Toronto Mike

The Astronaut Farmer Review

Movie Review

The Astronaut Farmer: 3 out of 10.

I hated The Astronaut Farmer.  Rotten Tomatoes has it at 58% and I find that shocking.  The Astronaut Farmer is the worst kind of cinema and should be avoided at all cost.

It's good to have dreams.  When this Farmer chap decides he's going to build a rocket in his barn, blast off to outer space and orbit the earth, people are sceptical.  But it's his dream, don't you see?  How will his teenage son feel if his daddy gave up on his dream?

Although I hated the "you can do anything so long as you believe in your dreams" Disney Americana crapola, that's not what got this movie a 3 out of 10.  This movie gets a 3 out of 10 for plot holes you could fly a rocket through and for requiring a complete suspension of logic, reason and belief.  Essentially, it's all completely ridiculous.  All of it.  Field of Dreams, a much better slice of Americana, seems far more plausible than The Astronaut Farmer, and that guy ended up playing catch with his dead dad.

How many people did Farmer almost kill when his first launch failed?  How was he able to blast a rocket in Texas and get off without even a warning?  How did he score all the fuel for that launch, let alone the next one?  In post 9/11 America, how exactly does one manage to secure that much fuel for their missile-like rocket?  How did he, his teenage son and illegal alien labourer manage to build that second rocket so damn quickly?  And where did all the parts come from, Home Depot?  OMG, you have to see this movie just to see how impossible and moronic it all is.  The FBI come across as complete morons, the wife appears to be completely brainwashed and Farmer - well he's clearly a demented egomaniac with delusions of grandeur and completely and utterly dangerous.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is your American hero.

Oh it's bad... and simply based on the fact a guy on a ranch said he was building a rocket to go into space, without anyone actually seeing said rocket, the space cowboy became a world-wide sensational story.  Every news outlet in the world descended on his ranch, he was talked up in talk show monologues and "space cowboy" entered the lexicon.  All because some cracker in Texas said he was building a rocket.  I'll bet there are at least 4 dozen Americans building rockets in their barns as I type, but we don't know their names because they're nuts.

I hated this movie, and if you enjoyed it, I hate you, too.

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