Toronto Mike

Stuff White People Like


I subscribe to the RSS feed for a great blog entitled Stuff White People Like.  Although it's updated far too infrequently for my liking, every entry makes me laugh out loud.

One of my favourite entries, because it's so damn true, is #85 The Wire.

Though white people have a natural aversion to television,  there are some exceptions. For white people to like a TV show it helps  if it is: critically acclaimed, low-rated, shown on premium cable, and available as a DVD box set.
The latter is important so that white people can order it from  Netflix and tell their friends “they are really into <insert  series> and I watched ten episodes in a row in the weekend. I’m  almost caught up.”
If you attempt to talk about an episode they have not seen yet, they  will scream and cover their ears. In white culture, giving away  information about a film or TV series is considered as rude as spitting  on your mothers grave. It is an unforgivable offense.
Recent series that have fallen into this category include The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, and most recently The Wire.
For the past three years, whenever you say “The Wire” white people  are required to respond by saying “it’s the best show on television.”  Try it the next time you see a white person! Though now they might say  “it WAS the best show on television.”
So why do they love it so much? It all comes down to authenticity. A  long time ago, someone started a rumor that when The Wire is on TV,  actual police wires go quiet because all the dealers are watching the  show. Though this is not true, it seems plausible enough to white  people and has imbued the show with the needed authenticity to be  deemed acceptable.
The popularity of this show among white people has create a unique opportunity for personal gain.
If you need to impress a white person, tell them you are from  Baltimore. They will immediately ask you about The Wire and how  accurate it is. You should confirm that it is “like a documentary of  the streets,” the white person will then slowly shake their head and  say “man” or “wow.” You will be seen in an entirely new light.
If you are not from Baltimore but the white person you are talking  to is, they might start asking you a lot of questions. In this  situation, you should just say you left when you were young but you  still have a lot of cousins there but you don’t like to go back to  visit. This will remove all doubts and they can go back to telling you  about how John from Accounting needs to “stop snitching” about their two hour lunch breaks.

Trust me, you want to subscribe to this blog.  Whether you're white or not.

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About Toronto Mike
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