Growing Up

mouseThere's a 25 Signs That, Sadly, You've Grown Up list making the rounds, and it's pretty spot on. I recently started pro-creating and I've since left my 20s behind for good and this list is a staunch reminder that aging only goes in one direction.

Here's the list and my two cents tagged on the end in parenthesis.

  1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. (I never smoked my house plants - do people really smoke cacti?)
  2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. (When I first married, all we had was a twin bed. In fact, James sleeps in that very bed today. Taryn and I could probably have sex in it, but sleeping in it is out of the question. I would change this to "Sleeping in a twin bed is out of the question".)
  3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. (This one doesn't apply to me - I've yet to make a single purchase in The Beer Store. You're shocked, aren't you?)
  4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. (Bang on.)
  5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. (I hear tunes I loved in University while shopping in grocery stores. That's just as depressing.)
  6. You watch the Weather Channel. (My witness at my wedding appears on The Weather Network!)
  7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up. (Very true.)
  8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. (Sad but true.)
  9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." (Bang on again.)
  10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo. (It would depend on what they're listening to.)
  11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. (It's about time!)
  12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. (No, I don't.)
  13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up. (I'm not sure I get this one. If my insurance is going down, why are my payments going up?)
  14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers. (Poor Booner.)
  15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. (Most definitely.)
  16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM. (I've never been a napper. I can only sleep during the night.)
  17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. (It's been a while since I've had such an extravagant date. At least my anniversary is only three months away. That's a good excuse to get out and enjoy some ribs.)
  18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach. (Another winner.)
  19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. (Or even worse, stuff for your kids' runny noses.)
  20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff". (Again, I can't relate to this one. I've never had a bottle of $4 wine, $40 wine or $400 wine.)
  21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. (This is the definitive sign you've grown up.)
  22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again." (Again, I abstain from commenting.)
  23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. (Sad, but true.)
  24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. (No and no.)
  25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save Your sorry old ass. (If I were a typical Irish Catholic who drank like a fish, I'd be agreeing whole heartedly.)

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Sad but true. Having just turned 40 this summer I identified with number 25. Here are some of my thoughts.

University and college kids never "drink at home to save money before going to a bar." Ha,ha,ha.
Having sex in a twin bed is never out of the question. The main problem is falling off it.

A six pack lasts a month or longer in the fridge

September 27, 2006 @ 10:06 PM


Your car payments are going up because you have teenagers on your insurance now. If you are getting older that is!

September 29, 2006 @ 10:09 PM

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