Sexting is hot, so if you haven’t tried it yet, chances are you want to. More than that, people who sext report more sexual satisfaction in their relationship—so it can actually improve your sex life. Plus, sexting helps people let their guard down because it removes the pressure of a face-to-face interaction, so the experience can be even more intense than the sex you have in person.
Many people wonder when the right time to start sexting is. If you’re new to a relationship, you might worry that it’s still in a fragile stage where you shouldn’t bring up anything too wild. But if you’re in a long-term relationship, you might wonder if your sexting ship has sailed. So, let’s talk about the right time to start sexting and how to bring it up naturally.
If You’re Relationship Is New
For some people, it’s easier to mention that you want to start sexting if your relationship is new because you’re still setting the tone for what you want for yourselves as a couple. In fact, not talking about sex is setting yourself up for failure later on in your relationship when the spark starts to fade.
For others, laying your cards out on the table is intimidating, but it’s essential if you feel serious about your partner. You don’t have to add to the drama by structuring the conversation as if it’s a confession. The best way to put your partner at ease is to keep the focus on them. For example, instead of saying, “I’ve always loved sexting” (which could mean that you’ve had great sexting partners and may feel daunting to your date), say, “I would love for us to try sexting.” If you want to tell them about your past sexting experiences, that’s fine, but it doesn’t have to be a part of the initial conversation.
If you're in a pre-relationship, you can add a quick mention of it in your dating profile so that the topic has already been broached by the time you meet. You could say that you’re primarily interested in a sexting buddy or that someone who isn’t into sexting shouldn’t swipe right.
If You’ve Been a Couple for a While
The longer you go in a relationship without talking about sex, the harder it is to start. But it’s also an important conversation to have. The initial energy of a relationship is bound to fade, but you can replace it with something better if the lines of communication are open.
These conversations go a lot more smoothly when you focus on the positive rather than the negative. Instead of saying, “why don’t you ever send me sexy messages?” or “I’m bored with our sex life,” frame it in a way that flatters your partner. Try something along the lines of, “I can’t get through the whole workday without thinking about how sexy you are. I’d love to sneak you some of those thoughts while I’m at work. What do you think?” That way, your partner feels like you’re doing this because of your sexual compatibility, not to fight against your incompatibility.
The Right Time to Start Sexting in a Relationship
The ideal time to start sexting with your partner depends on the context of your relationship. Bringing up your sexual needs as soon as possible is a good idea because the longer you go without getting your needs met, the more resentful you may become. You don’t have to be awkward about it, though.
Don’t be too formal and announce everything, like “I will now begin to flirt with you, as long as I have your consent.” Instead, begin with some sexually charged witty banter (as long as your partner is clearly into it). But before you send anything that could get them into trouble or would substantially increase the sexual nature of the texts, ask. Say something like, “Is now a good time to show you how into this I am?” And then take whatever response you get with composure.
You should ask before changing the format, too. If you’ve only ever sent text messages, don’t surprise them with a video until you know they are ready for one. And if you plan to send a picture or video, use these expert-approved tips for getting your best shot.
If Your Partner’s Not Into It
Even in good relationships, sometimes the sexual desires don’t match up. If that’s the case and your partner is okay with it, you can find people to sext with online. This is an excellent option for you to get your needs met without pressuring your partner into doing something they flat-out aren’t interested in. That way, everybody is happy.