Toronto Mike

My rules for restrooms at work

1. If I walk into a bathroom and you're washing your hands at the sink, there's no need for you to look around or in the mirror to see who's coming in so you can say hello. Restrooms aren't for parties. I really don't need to say hello to anyone in this terrible place. This is especially truy for co-workers I do not even know. It's even more awkward in this instance when you want to lock eyes with me in the mirror. Just don't do it.

2.Oh, I notice that you're having a full volume conversation on your phone while you use the facilities. Really?

3. If you're standing at the urinal next to me, must you do what so many of you do? Do you think that 1 inch piece of plastic dividing us will protect me from your foulness?

4. And ladies, don't think you're immune to your own set of rules. I generally do not frequent women's bathrooms (the operant word being generally), but I hear horror stories. Like Colonel Kurtz up the Nung river kind of horror. Perhaps the female readers of this blog can chime in.

5. Oh I notice when you don't wash your hands when you leave. Know this. I tell people about you. I tell them you're dirty. But you know what, it's ok. Your nastiness gives me an excellent ace up my sleeve for when you come around and shamelessly ask me to buy your stupid kids' stupid chocolates for their stupid fundraiser. Oh yes! When I say "no thanks",  you'll be ready to bust my balls for being cheap. But I'll just say nothing and look at you, and then you'll remember that I know that you're a dirty bastard.

Author image
About Toronto Mike
I own TMDS and host Toronto MIke'd. Become a Patron.