When 2020 began, I had two things I wanted to get done before the end of the year.
- I wanted to get rid of my 21 year old fossil fuel vehicle
- I wanted to get a vasectomy
I got rid of the old Protégé in June and this morning I got my vasectomy. If anyone is considering getting a vasectomy, I'm going to share all the details here. This process began with me telling my doctor I wanted a referral for a vasectomy and him recommending this Oakville clinic. It took about six months to get an appointment.
Upon arrival at the Oakville vasectomy clinic, the receptionist wanted my autograph. Multiple times! There's the "I swear I don't think I have COVID-19" paperwork, and then there's the "I swear I've thought this through and I know what I'm doing" paperwork. The latter, in which they ask for your age and number of children, aids the doctor later when he chats you up before the procedure.
The EMLA Patch
Before the doctor chats you up, you're visited by an assistant of sorts who asks you to apply an EMLA patch to the base of your penis over your scrotum. This will numb the area to minimize pain during the procedure. You'll also be given a jockstrap (well, the cloth part, anyway) that goes over your underwear and will hold the ice after the procedure. You're also given a fancy robe to wear. (Note: it's not really fancy.)
You can have the consultation without having the procedure in the same visit, but when you're as sure as I was (four healthy kids!), you do it all in one go. The consultation is essentially the doctor making sure you're absolutely confident you're done fathering children and letting you know your sperm will be tested in three months and even if that test proves the procedure works, there's still a 1 in 3000 chance of failure. Those odds, by the way, are much lower than the odds of the birth control pill failing. A vasectomy is the most reliable form of birth control available.
At the beginning of the vasectomy procedure, you're asked to remove the EMLA patch and pull down your underwear and supportive jock. The doctor did a great job of chatting me up... we talked about Christmas, the pandemic and podcasting. It was clearly a distraction technique and it was very effective!
The pain is minimal. Occasionally you feel pain in your testicles, an uncomfortable tugging feeling, and there's some painful pinching, but the doctor warns you it's coming and it doesn't last very long. If you're hesitant to get a vasectomy because you're worried about the pain, I assure you, it's not that bad. And before you know it, it's all done.
A block of ice is dropped into the supportive jock, and you wear that while you rest for 30 minutes. I had no problem driving myself home. You're given clear instructions to do nothing for two days and very little for seven days.
As I type, a few hours after the procedure, the pain is minimal. I'm to wear the ice every 60-90 minutes for 15 minutes and change the gauze periodically over the next 2-3 days.
Even though the doc told me to do nothing but rest for two days, I'll be kicking out vasectomy jams with Stu Stone and Cam Gordon later today as part of our Pandemic Friday series. That episode can be found on the Toronto Mike'd feed.