Toronto Mike

Separated Shoulder Anxiety (or Bitchfest 2009)


What's the point of having a blog if you can't bitch about stuff?  Last night I separated my left shoulder playing hockey, and 24 hours later the whole thing is seriously bumming me out.

First and foremost, the pain is constant and intense.  I haven't been using the sling as much as I should, and instead I grip my shirt with my left hand in order to assume the one position that doesn't hurt.  It's been less than a full day and I'm an impatient sonufabitch wondering when the hell there will be some degree of improvement.

Then there's the inconvenience.  James had his 7th birthday party today and I couldn't even drive the party wagon.  In addition to being hopped up on goofballs, my left arm is pretty useless, making driving pretty dangerous.  I just got home and saw some snow had fallen, and then I realized I can't shovel.  I did manage to push the snow with my right arm and use my foot to kick the snow onto the lawn, but it's pretty inefficient.  My daughter helped me put on my socks today, my wife tied my boots and helped pull off my sweater and tasks once taken for granted now take a surprisingly amount of time to complete.  Losing an arm is awfully inconvenient.

Then there's the reality that's starting to sink in.  I've paid to play in the Skydome slo-pitch tournament in a couple of weeks, and I've really been looking forward to it, but there's no chance I'll be able to do anything more than cheer.  I've thoroughly enjoyed my first season of hockey in 21 years, and I've improved every week, but from all accounts I'll be out of action for a couple of months.  There isn't much more than a couple of months left in the season.  I'm going to force myself on the ice Saturday mornings because it means a lot to my son and I don't have to do more than skate, but everything from rock climbing to tobogganing is out until March.  Walking is just about the only game left in town.

And finally, there's the drugs.  I usually refuse painkillers, but in this instance I didn't really have a choice.  I'm downing a couple of percocets every 5 hours or so and I seem to have an amphetamine or methamphetamine-type reaction to this drug.  Everything speeds up.  I'm told I'm pretty funny when riding the percocet high, and it definitely helps with the pain, but I'm already trying to find out where Rush Limbaugh scores his goods so I can get a similar hook-up.

I'm told things will be better in two months.  Only 5259487.66 seconds to go...

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