The Open Mike to End All Open Mikes?

Open MikeIt's the dog days of summer, so it's time for you to do the heavy lifting around here. Be interesting, be funny, be content!


And if you have a question, I'll drop by throughout the day to answer you.

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I've been waiting for this open mike to say something I'm sure I'll be lambasted for.

I'm offended by how the Humble and Fred show treat their intern Phil. Phil is of Chinese descent, and most of the humour is about how people of China mispronounce words and other such Asian ridicule.

If I hear "Haroo Peepoo!" one more time... and I fear it's become a catch phrase for the show.

Too PC? Say what you will, but I laugh at almost anything. Belittling Asians just doesn't make me laugh and it's enough that I don't think I can listen to Humble and Fred any longer.

Sorry guys but that humour is dated for a reason.

July 13, 2012 @ 8:40 AM

Sam in Pickering


They seem to have Phil pick on the accent, so maybe Phil is the one who offends you?

When Phil says "Haroo Peepoo!" it can't be racist can it?

It's like when Humble says Jews like money... he can say that because he's Jewish. If Fred says that, it's anti-semetic.

July 13, 2012 @ 8:52 AM


Haroo Peepoo!

July 13, 2012 @ 9:06 AM


Then meet Charlie Chan, as introduced in a 1925 serialized novel.
Things really aren't much better today. In-between, there was Houseboy Peter (part 5 in the posting), from Bachelor Father. P.S. that actor committed suicide only about two years after the show ended, while working on another with Mickey Rooney, reputed to having extensive gambling debts.

And, of course(?), 'The Black Woman' was picked last on last night's Reality Show, Big Brother, for being a teammate. But hey, the host is Asian-American, so everything's a-okay.

July 13, 2012 @ 9:42 AM

Ryan G

Here's my advice to the world. Develop a thicker skin.

Racial humour will always be a part of life in some shape or form, whether it's Louis CK or Dave Chappelle on stage, or between friends around a campfire.

Whether it's wrong or right is irrelevant. It's likely always gonna be around since it's a natural by product of our shrinking world. (Hell, at some point in the future, more advanced A.I. versions of ourselves will probably crack jokes about our weak organic composition)

I happen to be of irish descent and the same old jokes are tossed around not only from non irish friends, but in the media, and for some bizarre reason, it seems somewhat ok to employ the stereotypes for irish racial humour.

For example, how about CP24's promo campaign for the st. patrick's day parade? A dancing buffoon of a leprechaun. Do you think cp24 would pull that sort of stunt with caribana or chinese new year events? And, what's even better is that cp24 even won international awards for that campaign.

The difference with the irish is that we see the comedy in the jokes and simply don't let it bother us.

July 13, 2012 @ 9:45 AM

4X4 Time

Where is Canada's greatest city?

July 13, 2012 @ 10:17 AM

Mississauga Phil

@ Ryan G - Damn straight man. We have become waaaay to PC in our day to day lives. Sometimes a joke is just a joke.....Laugh, or don't, and move on wit your day....

July 13, 2012 @ 10:56 AM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike

@Ryan G

The difference with the Irish is that they're white. It's been decided you can joke all you want about heterosexual white men as a historical leveller device.

July 13, 2012 @ 11:17 AM

Mississauga Phil

It's called old rich white guilt.

It's the same reason why we say happy holidays despite the fact that every non-christian I've ever spoke to says they could care less. That they know what I mean when I say Merry Christmas, and am not trying to convert them, just giving them good wishes.

July 13, 2012 @ 11:43 AM

El Predicto

The Microsoft store in Yorkdale will be a flop.

July 13, 2012 @ 11:45 AM

Mississauga Phil

@ 4x4 - I'd say it's Mississauga, all the perks of Toronto, but no Rob Ford effing everything up

July 13, 2012 @ 11:45 AM

Mississauga Phil

@ 4x4 - The answer to your question is Mississauga - all the perks of Toronto, but no Rob Ford to f-ck everything up

July 13, 2012 @ 11:47 AM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike

@El Predicto

I'm sceptical as well. They must be putting a lot of stock in their Surface tablet thingy.

Otherwise, what do they have? Xbox stuff I guess...

July 13, 2012 @ 1:34 PM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike

@Mississauga Phil

To me, saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas to those you're not sure are Christian isn't guilt but common decency.

I mean, most of the world doesn't celebrate Christmas, and the same applies to a great deal of the GTA.

Why exclude? Happy Holidays does the trick and applies to all.

July 13, 2012 @ 1:39 PM

Ryan G

@Toronto Mike.


Another term for "historical leveller device" is reverse racism, but even that's not the correct's racism, plain and simple.

Then there's the hybrid racism-sexism. Think
of family guy, simpsons and the numerous commercials and movies where the white guy/husband/boyfriend is depicted as a complete moron, and the female character is large and in charge, patronizing and treats him like a child.

I love family guy and don't care about peter griffin's idiocy. also I love my heritage and laugh along with the next guy about irish stereotypes.

And of course, the big elephant in the room is that many of the jokes have roots in truth. Some things are the way they are because that's the way they are.

For example, I've got a thousand bucks to bet anyone here that the winner of the 100m dash at the Olympics will not be from Ireland.

Any takers?

July 13, 2012 @ 1:44 PM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike

@Ryan G

I heard a very interesting CBC Radio doc about those with a West African heritage having a gene that enables them to sprint faster. So, if the Irishman has roots from West Africa, I wouldn't bet against him.

And the West Africa link isn't racism, it's science.

July 13, 2012 @ 1:49 PM

4x4 Time

@RyanG - I'll take the bet on the Irishman 100 yard dash at the Olympics if it is for the free beer line at a Pub.

July 13, 2012 @ 1:57 PM

Mississauga Phil

On a completly different note. I'm listening to the Edge in the office right I the only person who feels like they're getting dumber just by listening to Josie Dye....

July 13, 2012 @ 2:01 PM


@4x4 Timie

Did you say free beer? I'd bet on the Scot!

July 13, 2012 @ 2:01 PM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike

Re: Phil the Intern from the Humble and Fred Podcast

I was there when Phil showed up to interview for the intern position. He seemed polite and eager. From what I hear, he's very committed and responsible, waking up at a crazy hour and jumping through hoops to get to the studio for the KRock show.

So Phil sounds too good for radio, in that his passion and devotion would best serve him in another line of work. He's clearly a "pleaser", meaning he wants to please and if that means singing the opening theme or saying "Haroo Peepoo!", he'll do it.

But he's a good kid... hope none of that stuff works against him.

Re: Josie Dye

I've never met her. She could be a Rhodes scholar for all I know, but she's embraced the role of hot young blonde who doesn't require you to think too hard. That seems to fit well with the current persona of Edge 102.

July 13, 2012 @ 2:10 PM

Lyle Lanley

I can't stomach Josie Dye.

Ditzy broadcaster. Give me Bookie every day of the week.

July 13, 2012 @ 2:36 PM

Ryan G

@Toronto Mike

I know what you're saying, and I'm sure you know what I meant.

In any event, don't want this subject to dominate this wonderful open mike.

Re: Josie Dye
It would be tolerable if i didn't have to hear RHCP a thousand times a day. (After I just wrote this, I went to the Edge's playlist - there they are at 2:22pm today!)

Re:Happy Holidays
I have too many things to remember on a daily basis, what with work, personal commitments and such. For these reasons alone I go with the applies-to-all approach, not for PC reasons.

And on a completely different note, to all readers of this site.

If you're the one that leaves scrunched up wads of paper towel on the door handle leading out of the male/female bathrooms at work...for god's sake, just stop.

July 13, 2012 @ 2:42 PM


I'm disappointed and angry that the deputy mayor of our city would say that downtown Toronto is an unsuitable place to raise children. Holyday should be ENCOURAGING families to live in the city and to explore all the awesome family-friendly things to do like the ROM, Toronto Music Garden, Riverdale Farm, Hockey Hall of Fame just to name a few. I live in south Etobicoke but make use ALL THE TIME of all the amazing parks and interesting attractions for kids that are downtown. And I would raise my son downtown in a second. And you know what else? Condo developers SHOULD have to build towers with 3-bedroom condos because they SHOULD be responsible for the impact their buildings have on the growth of communities. It should be more than selling units and our politicians should hold them to that.

July 13, 2012 @ 3:27 PM

Mississauga Phil

@ Rosie - I agree with you in thoery. The problem is, even if the new condo's had 3 bedrooms, they'd be 1.5 million apeice or some ridiculous cost like that...what family can offrd it? Better to buy a house outside of toronto for a third of the price and have a back yard and no crackheads on the corner at night...

July 13, 2012 @ 3:33 PM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike


Once I heard the source, Doug Holyday, I dismissed the archaic and ridiculous comments.

Holyday is so out of touch with downtown Toronto. The man is all about Etobicoke, so of course he thinks people should raise their families there.

I'd raise my family downtown, although I'm not a condo guy.

July 13, 2012 @ 3:38 PM


It's just so frustrating, he represents this entire city. I can't imagine that families living and raising their kids downtown feel very good after hearing his comments: ‘Where’s little Jenny? Well, she’s downstairs playing in the traffic on her way to the park.” Oh so it's ok to let your child roam the streets on the way to the park if you live in Etobicoke? No one, no matter where they live, lets their kids roam the streets freely. It's not 1952.
Yes, family-sized housing in the downtown core is going to be more expensive. But it should be an option. Toronto has plenty of affluence, they won't sit empty. Also, living downtown does not automatically mean living near drug addicts. Besides, I'd rather contend with a few crackheads than a neighbourhood of boring small-minded people who are more concerned with impressing the neighbours with their landscaping than ever experiencing any of the art and culture in their city. I have nothing against the suburbs and I am often very tempted by the extra space moving further out of the city would afford. But I am not willing to give up proximity to all the amazing stuff Toronto has to offer, and I'm not willing to lose precious hours of family time being stuck commuting in soul-crushing traffic.

July 13, 2012 @ 5:13 PM


I'm actually listening to Humble & Fred's podcast from this morning. I think Phil is just rolling with things on the show - no big deal about the "Haroo Peepoo". Yes, I laughed - and do laugh every time he says it. I also laugh when Howard talks about doing "Jew math" and being a "Jewy Jew". They also talk about Fred's tick tack tits. Equal opportunity offenses, I think you could say. They're now talking about Lisa's "nice, ripe rack". And on it goes including her husband's "hose" (he's a firefighter).

C'mon, Kevin. It's okay. It's safe to say the kids are alright. But I can appreciate that once something starts to aggravate, it REALLY starts to aggravate.

July 13, 2012 @ 5:22 PM


What's with the happy holidays stuff anyway? Let's not talk about Christmas yet. I hate it. Anyway, I worked a very long day today. I'm tired. It sucks when all I get is short reports and it takes a long time just to get a good minute count. If you don't know what I mean. I'm a medical transcriptionist and I get paid by the audio minute. Oh well, I got a good minute count, but sure took a long time to do it.

July 13, 2012 @ 6:27 PM


after reading some of the posts above.. it sparked a huge frustration in me to vent about the current state of our lovely city... and the sad thing it is only getting worse by the day..

this "condo" situation is ridiculous... do you realize that a majority of these " said condo's" are owned by overseas investors and are for the most part - EMPTY and are not even lived in..
there is is so-called demand for condos - here- condo's being built left - to the right- to front - and the - back of us..
it is primary for business purposes only.. and also to lure outside business as part of a business deal?

and who is suffering???
US- the residents of Toronto.. the pricing of the suites are sky-high - and for what a tiny Tiny Condos that are Smaller Than Hotel Rooms
and worse yet.. if you rent an apartment- chances are you are living in a much larger space... it is insulting - that these Micro- condos are being built and it is the norm in this city...
the pricing is ridiculous for condos nowadays..
you are much better off getting a home - a McMansion if you will - in Rosedale and surrounding areas..

aaand then it brings me to the next rant.. homes in the city.. that on average are close to $1million - for a home that you can get for $ 100,000 in suburbia..

the gap between poor and the rich is getting wider by the day.. how can you possibly invest in your future in this city.. these home/condo prices are sucking this city dry.. most folks will be renters for life.. cause it seems quite insulting and stupid to purchase a property that is smaller and loaded with expenses that this economy can't match up to..

ya.. I know there are some that are getting by just great around here.. but my point is the huge majority of our city's population is struggling and it is on- par to the supposed condo boom demand.. with each condo built - prices rise and it is in no fault of our own..
it is a false interpretation of what is truly needed in our city..

and my last rant for the day.. is EMPLOYERS who are dropping wages..
a typical office job nowadays is parallel to retail and restaurant jobs- I have seen ads were office admin jobs are minimum wage- or a little higher than that- a dollar or two above..
it does not make sense that a qualified admin professional should be getting- offered the same wage as a teenager at McDonalds...
there is a huge difference and it is insulting.. and Employers should not demean employees this way..

I have more to say.. but I shall stop now..
thanks for reading...

July 13, 2012 @ 7:30 PM

Sam in Pickering

Is Irvine really gone?

July 13, 2012 @ 7:30 PM

Rick C in Oakville

@Jaki: We have become the New York of the north. Shoe box accommodation for a premium price. That is why we have fled to the suburbs. My niece and her boyfriend bought in Hamilton, because you can still buy a 2000sq ft back split with a pool and a decent yard for $279,000. In Oakville they were looking at townhouses in the low to mid $400,000's. No yard, minimal parking. Yeah it's Hamilton but they only need to commute to Oakville/Mississauga south anyways.

As for Phil on Humble and Fred: The guys a character,and is very driven. He knows what it takes to stand above the crowd. I'm a 2nd gen Scot on my mom's side and we have always played with the self depricating humour, whether it is thriftiness, drunkeness, or crazyness. Hell we are the symbol of thriftiness on the Canadian Tire money. No complaints here. I don't know if it was a bit, but Howard seemed peaved at Phil for using a negotiating term that is slang for his kind. Now considering how much Howard uses other races for his schtick, I hope it was only a bit.

July 13, 2012 @ 7:48 PM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike

Just heard Sage Stallone died today. I'm the guy who liked Rocky V, and he was in that.

Only 36... drug overdose.

July 13, 2012 @ 7:59 PM


@Rick C in Oakville: That moment between Phil and Howard struck me as very (potentially) confrontational and uncomfortable. I don't think it was a bit, but I think they tried to turn it towards a bit, or at least diffuse it.

I like Josie Dye. She's a bit raunchy but not vulgar or tasteless. Considering the audience she is left with that seem to love that kind of drivel, she does a good job bringing things back from the pit of despair.

I think all the H&F interns have added a lot to the show.

July 13, 2012 @ 8:12 PM


@Rick C in Oakville

thanks for your reply.. I totally understand the reasoning in having to move away to get a place that is worth the money-
it is really sad that this exists.. it has come to the point where downtown residents are being - for the lack of a better word- evacuated from their life as a Toronto resident -to build up a future in another city..
it should not have come to this.. and sadly it is only the beginning ... cause in the long run- it makes the most logical sense - that if you want to advance your future and put your hard earned money to good use - get more bang for your buck - you have to be forced to move outside of your ideally chosen city.. I hate to see how the next 20 years are going to be - all these rapid changes just happened in the last 10 years..

btw.. I think it is awesome that your Niece has found a great sounding home for such a reasonable price.. :) great for them.. big congrats!!! :)

now if only that was in Toronto- can you imagine how much this city would be thriving

July 13, 2012 @ 8:35 PM

4x4 Time

Perhaps Mr. Holyday should take a medical leave. There is obviously something wrong with him.Poor guy.

July 14, 2012 @ 9:20 AM


Well, hockey can't start soon enough. Only three months away and my Habs are at the Leafs. Actually they play the Sens before that, so less than three months. Bring on hockey. Get rid of boring baseball or shorten the season.

July 14, 2012 @ 9:30 AM

Hammerin' Hank

Hamilton is a great deal cheaper than Toronto, but you have to live in Hamilton instead of Toronto.

In real estate, only three things matter: location, location and location.

July 14, 2012 @ 11:47 AM

twins from bolton

This weather is brutal & would rather have cold temps. - Zero degrees C & even a little snow.

Moved to Bolton 13 yrs ago & I lived in T.Dot for 40 years before.

Such a difference here not watching your back constantly.

We lived in a great neighborhood in Toronto but when Todd Bayliss a police officer died just around the corner from us it was time to move on. Other issues also with my kids schooling.

Bolton Rocks

July 14, 2012 @ 2:40 PM

Pigeon Toed Dave

Great job by all the High Park Playground volunteers to bring the playground back to life.....

July 14, 2012 @ 8:15 PM


Marillion VS. Genesis

Gabriel & Collins vs. Fish & Hogarth.

Script for a Jester's Tear vs. Lamb Lies Down On Broadway.

Most people seeing this is saying WTF who is Marillion.

To me Phil wins but Marillion better than Genesis.

July 14, 2012 @ 9:17 PM

Joe Jackson

@ Sherel(Or whatever your name is. I hate to give you any credibility, because you deserve none.)

You HATE Christmas, Leafs, baseball, people who can see, Rob Ford, white people (?) etc. and on , and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on an on.......etc.

Your comments are SO pathetic. Get a life and shut the fuck up!

July 14, 2012 @ 10:52 PM


Happy birthday to me!

July 15, 2012 @ 10:14 AM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike

Elvis was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me...

But happy birthday nonetheless ya old bastard!

July 15, 2012 @ 10:19 AM


@Joe Jackson The list of shit she hates is longer than that. Imagine sitting next to that dark cloud at a dinner party - Jesus. Cheer the fuck up, Cheryl.

July 15, 2012 @ 11:15 AM


Advertisers feel it is safe to joke about heterosexual white men because they have not been subject to institutionalized oppression. Sorry straight white dudes, you haven't been marginalized enough to escape ridicule :) Besides, when television comedies depic white men as idiotic sloppy losers, they still have beautiful women as their partners which sends the message that men can be gross fat pigs but yet still deserve attractive intelligent women.

Racial humour done intelligently can be the funniest thing ever. I miss Dave Chappelle for this... remember this skit where he uses John Mayer to show that white people can actually dance... OMG SO FUNNY...

July 15, 2012 @ 3:10 PM

Rick C in Oakville

@ Rosie. Got to agree, us Scots always are always riffed on, but no complaints here. Had a friend in College (okay about 30 years ago) who was from China, and he said just like the USA, they have their own slower southern types that they are the butts of jokes etc.

July 15, 2012 @ 3:58 PM


Well, nasty comments aren't good, but they don't hurt anyone. They shouldn't hurt me and they don't. Who says I hate white people. Hey, that makes me laugh. I'm white myself. Oh well, you guys hate me so much. Maybe I should just leave. I don't get paid for posting here anyway. Go Habs.

July 15, 2012 @ 4:07 PM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike


I hope you stay. Ignore the nasty comments... people say things anonymously on the web they wouldn't dare say to your face in person.

Please stay.

July 15, 2012 @ 4:24 PM


I agree. Please stay Cheryl. I don't find you negative at all - you know what you like.

July 15, 2012 @ 5:02 PM


Stay Cheryl - It's always a confrontation with the Hab Nots & the Leafs. I love reading your comments even though I disagree 100% of the time. This is your space also to vent.


July 15, 2012 @ 5:29 PM


Cheryl you are awesome! Your posts are funny and real. I would love to sit next to you at a dinner party. I also think baseball sucks :)

July 15, 2012 @ 5:30 PM

Rick C in Oakville

Yep, may not agree with what Cheryl has to say but as in earlier posts I wouldn't cheap shot her, or anyone for that matter, keeps this space interesting and sort of like family. You need to put up with the good and the bad. Keep posting Cheryl.

July 15, 2012 @ 6:44 PM


@ Cheryl

Everybody on Mike's site loves you with your comments, even though most are insane.

CU Soon Cheryl

July 15, 2012 @ 7:15 PM

Mississauga Phil

@ Cheryl...while I dont always agree with what you say, I'll defend to the death your right to say it. Please don't go!!

July 16, 2012 @ 9:27 AM

Ryan G

Yes Cheryl. Do stay.

But I do think it would be funny to lock you in a small room with nothing but baseball games on the radio, 4 dead montreal canadiens players in the corner (a la the chopped up ghost twins from The Shining),and a "modern rock" band playing in the other.

Just for a while. Nothing too drastic. Like a week or so.

ok ok i'm just kidding. Maybe a day or so

July 16, 2012 @ 9:37 AM


Late to the party, but here's another vote for Cheryl. I'd take 10 of you over one Irvine any day. I always get a chuckle over your matter-of-fact delivery.

July 16, 2012 @ 4:23 PM


Okay. I'll stay. Well, that would be drastic locking me up in a room with baseball on the radio and also a modern rock band playing in another corner. I don't think I can stand that for a week or even a day. Oh well, glad you guys want me to stay.

July 16, 2012 @ 4:44 PM


I've been away so I didn't have much of a chance to comment on this post, but one thing stuck in my craw - Mike, if you moved to Israel, and people greeted you with the Hebrew equivalent to Happy Hanukkah, or lived in a Muslim country and were wished a "Happy Eid!", would you consider those well wishers to be indecent? Would you take personal offense? Of course not (at least I hope not). So why do you imagine non-Christians would take offense at "Merry Christmas"? Like it or not, the majority of Canada still has a Christian background. We don't need to be ashamed of that and become this faceless entity that celebrates everyone else's religious traditions except our own.

July 16, 2012 @ 4:52 PM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike


I don't live in Israel, I live in Canada, a cultural mosaic. I know many around me are not Christian and I choose to include them by saying Happy Holidays.

So many people I've worked with and know are not Christian. Most new Canadians, for example, are not Christian. A good slice of the GTA pie does not have a Christian background.

With my mom, I say Merry Christmas because I know she celebrates Christmas.

July 16, 2012 @ 5:02 PM


Mike, the "cultural mosaic" was kind of my point. We live in a mosaic that honors and respects every other culture and belief - it just seems that Christianity is to be relegated to the shadows.
A Toronto school makes room for Muslim prayer time in the cafeteria, but at Christmas they have to call it a "holiday tree" in case some hypothetical person is traumatized at the name "Christ". Seems absurd.
Like, you, I know many non-Christians. My workplace is probably 50% what I'll term as WASP(meaning predominantly Christian heritage), 25% Asian, and 20% Muslim, and 15% "other". Through the year I spend probably as much time with my co-workers as I do my own family (if you take out sleep and weekends) which is to say I know these people well, and I don't know a single one that would take offense at "Merry Christmas". In fact, I'd say most are somewhat astounded at this "tip-toeing" around that WASPs do so well here. By the way, the reason I mentioned "Happy Hanukkah" and "Happy Eid" is because I've been greeted with both terms and never once felt offended or insulted because I don't participate in Ramadan or Hanukkah.

July 16, 2012 @ 7:05 PM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike


It's not about taking offence at "Merry Christmas", it's just so effortless on my part not to exclude non-Christians in the first place.

Happy Holidays includes everybody, so that's my go-to greeting at that time of year.

July 16, 2012 @ 7:24 PM


@ Mike
Point taken. I'll remind my colleagues of other faiths to be sure to change their greeting to "Happy Holidays" as well.

In your perfect world, does everyone wear sparkly silver unitards with big shoulder pads, and eat the same colourful, pre-fabbed food cubes? Just imagine how inclusive society would feel. Wow!

July 16, 2012 @ 9:35 PM

Toronto Mike Verified as the defacto Toronto Mike


I'm just telling you why I say Happy Holidays... I don't really care what others say.

I ripped religion out of the holiday long ago.

July 16, 2012 @ 9:39 PM


PS: Sorry about the bad math in my other post - it should have been 40% WASP. :)

July 16, 2012 @ 9:40 PM


@ Mike

This is getting too easy. I'll leave it alone.

July 16, 2012 @ 9:45 PM

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