George Carlin's Best Bits

humourI awoke to hear the news that George Carlin is gone. He was one funny sonofabitch. His edgy humour always struck a chord with me and he'll be missed.

I could bury you in YouTubery but I thought I'd stick with three Carlin gems. He really was more than just "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television," but you can't ignore that slice of brilliance. You have to hear his thoughts on religion and the planet to truly appreciate him.

Seven Words

Religion is Bullshit

Saving the Planet


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Jill

I love his "place for my stuff" monologue.
He discussed topics that I think we all think about and for the most part I thought his observations were right on.
He will be missed.

June 23, 2008 @ 9:41 AM

James Edgar

RIP He was one funny guy. The religion is bullshit is one of the best commentarys I've ever heard.

June 23, 2008 @ 9:51 AM

SoccerMom

I think we all have our favorite piece he did, mine is "There are no blue foods"
he was very funny and his type of humor wiill be missed.

June 23, 2008 @ 9:52 AM

Annemarie

I'll never forget the Buddy Christ.

June 23, 2008 @ 9:59 AM

The_Voice

Great, great comedian.

June 23, 2008 @ 10:49 AM

Mike (Buffalo Boy)

He was in my top five favorite comedians easily. Without George Carlin, Sam Kinison, Lewis Black and others wouldn't have jobs.
Hes one of those celebrites that has kept busy and never really stopped doing what he loved. You had a feeling the guy was gonna live forever. His comedy will.

June 23, 2008 @ 12:20 PM

Toronto Mike

On euphemisms for aging and death:

"'Older' sounds a little better than 'old,' doesn't it? Sounds like it might even last a little longer. ... I'm getting old. And it's OK. Because thanks to our fear of death in this country I won't have to die — I'll 'pass away.' Or I'll 'expire,' like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital they'll call it a 'terminal episode.' The insurance company will refer to it as 'negative patient care outcome.' And if it's the result of malpractice they'll say it was a 'therapeutic misadventure.'"

___

On getting old:

"... the best thing about getting old is you're not responsible for remembering things anymore. Even important things. 'But it was your daughter's funeral' 'I forgot!' You can even make believe you have Alzheimer's disease. It's a lot of fun. You can look around the dining room table and say, 'Who are you people and where is my horse?' And you look at your eldest son and you say, 'Agnes, I haven't seen ya since First Communion!'"

___

On abortion:

"How come when it's us it's 'an abortion,' but when it's a chicken it's an omelet?"

___

On religion:

• "Something is wrong here: War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kinda (expletive) you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude."

• "You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. ... Two reasons: first of all, I think he's a good actor, OK? To me that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't (expletive) around."

___

On "stuff":

"That's all your house is — it's a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Now sometimes — sometimes you gotta move. You gotta get a bigger house. Why? Too much stuff. You've gotta move all your stuff, and maybe put some of your stuff in storage. Imagine that — there's a whole industry based on keeping on eye on your stuff."

___

On "things you never see":

"You never see a Rolls-Royce with a bumper sticker that says '(Expletive) happens.' You never see a really big, tall, fat Chinese guy with red hair."

___

On his disdain for "soft names":

"I'm getting really sick of guys named Todd. ... Where are all these goofy (expletive) boys' names coming from? Taylor, Tyler, Jordan, Flynn — these are not real names. You wanna hear a real name? Eddie."

___

"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?"

___

"I wonder why Kleenex doesn't have a target in the middle of it. Don't you think we need a bulls-eye right in the middle of the Kleenex?"

June 23, 2008 @ 6:12 PM


felix

Truly a sad day for comedy. George was and is one of my all time favourites. RIP.

June 24, 2008 @ 3:38 PM

kourtelas

what doe s george carlin means when he sais''i wonder why kllenex doesn;t have a target in the middle of it.don't you think we need a bulls-eye right in the middle of the kleenex?

October 1, 2013 @ 8:18 PM

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