The Something's Gotta Give Miniseries: Part 4

Something's Gotta Give 3The finale of the Something's Gotta Give miniseries...

I'd like to discuss the actual movie I saw this afternoon. If you're just joining the discussion, you may want to scroll down and read the previous four entries.

Something's Gotta Give has received quite a few positive reviews. The lead actor and actress are nominated for Golden Globes and there is Oscar buzz for both. I knew going in this wasn't my cup of tea, and typically I avoid this genre of film, but as you've read, I did this for Taryn. Never again.

I was literally bored to tears. There were times during this movie when my eyes actually swelled up and leaked a salty substance because I was so uncomfortably numb. There were other periods during this movie when I think I actually dozed off. A noise emanating from the movie would jolt my eyes open from what can best be described as a state of comatose. This was some seriously boring stuff. There wasn't a second of this movie I found endearing, funny or even interesting. Something's Gotta Give is a horrible, horrible movie and if you think you have similar tastes in movies as I, avoid this one like the plague.

Because I see so few movies in theatres and because I'm so careful not to see something I think I might not enjoy, I can't remember the last time I had such a horrific experience at the movies. I started writing "to do" lists in my head, I recited Public Enemy lyrics and even mentally wrote these blog entries to pass the time. For a while I considered leaving the theatre, but I could tell Taryn was enjoying this incredibly slow-paced and predictable love story. I stuck it out and started analyzing items in the background of shots to prevent myself from snoring and disturbing the other three people in the theatre. I also figured I could distract myself from the minding-numbing garbage in front of my eyes by punching my hand into the chair to my left. A little pain presented a more entertaining alternative.

When Something's Gotta Give finally crawled to a conclusion, I was an angry, angry man. Taryn said something like "Wasn't that good?" to which I simply gave her a "no comment". Unless she's read this blog entry, she still doesn't know how I truly felt about Something's Gotta Give. This movie was made for her sensibilities. If ever there was a chick flick, this is it. It also seemed to be written for the "over 50" crowd. So, if you're a female over the age of 50, you may actually enjoy this film. If you're a male in your 20s, like me, take my advice and chew glass instead. You'll have a better time.

I will never allow Taryn to drag me to a movie like this again. I will never go to a movie unless the reviews indicate it is likely a movie I will thoroughly enjoy. I will never again allow that many hours of my precious weekend to disappear into the vacuum that is "romantic comedy". I had an absolutely horrible time and I'm not at all happy about it. They advertised a 117 minute flick, but it felt more like 117 hours. Never again.


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