On August 8, 2003, I decided I'd try something new. A fan of The Simpsons from the get-go, my favourite character was always Homer and I thought I'd share a quote from Homer Simpson every Saturday morning. Every Saturday morning since August 8, 2003 one of my first tasks was posting a quote on my Homer's Quote of the Week page. Every Saturday morning until today.

I shared all my favourite quotes long ago, and now this fun hobby is starting to feel like a chore. The moment this blog starts to feel like a job, I'm out. Last September I made a couple of other changes and this is just one more designed to make maintenance of this site as easy as possible. I still love ya Homer, but your page will never change again. As Alice In Chains once sung, it's over now.

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"Marge, are we Jewish?"

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"Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything."

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"I don't want to go, so if he asks me to go, I'll just say Yes!"

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"I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!"

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"I dunno what to tell you, Marge! I don't think about things. I mean, I respect those who do, but... I just try and make the day not hurt until I can crawl back in with you."

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"I'll make sure you Christian Fundamentalists control everything by the 21st century!"

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"We have a great life here in Alaska, and we're never going back to America again!"

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"A gun is not a weapon! It's a tool, like a butcher's knife, or a harpoon, or an alligator."

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"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four."

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"In a world gone mad, only a lunatic is truly insane."

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"What's keeping Joan Rivers alive?"

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"I'm not a genius, or are I?"

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"If God didn't want us to eat cows, why are they made out of meat?"

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"It's about time trees were good for something, instead of just standing there like jerks!"

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"I hope he tells us to burn our pants, these things are driving me nuts."

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"Don't you think you're overreacting, talking gum-ball machine?"

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"God can't be everywhere, right?"

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"Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."

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"I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world."

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"And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker."

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"Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk."

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"He didn't give you gay, did he? Did he?!"

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"You don't win friends with salad."

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"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

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"A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice."

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"You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity."

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"Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does that do me?"

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"Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs."

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"Save me, Jeebus."

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"Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman."

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"First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women."

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"I don't want to go out like Elmo; hanging himself in his cell."

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"Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it."

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"How could you do this to me, Moe?! This bar was going under and it was my drink that saved it! If there was any justice, my face would be on a bunch of crappy merchandise!"

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"Once you go Vatican, you never go back again."

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"I don't miss a thing. Whoa! We have a kitchen?!"

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"There's so much I don't know about astrophysics! I wish I read that book by "that wheelchair guy"."

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"It is better to watch people do stuff than to do stuff."

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"It's not whether you win or lose. It's how drunk you get."

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"Extended warranty? How could I lose?"

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"The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!"

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"I can't believe that someone I've never heard of wants to hang out with a guy like me."

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"Oh, those jazz guys are just making that stuff up!"

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"Stealing? How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What’s-his-name?"

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"My back yard makes my front yard look like an idiot."

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"Aw, twenty dollars!? I wanted a peanut."

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"Why you, you cancelled Platypus Man!"

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"Son, your mother makes a very loud point."

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"Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore."

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"The strong must protect the sweet."

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"Marge, why are you crying? You're not in any physical pain, the only pain a man can understand."

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"Marge, what's wrong? Are you hungry? Sleepy? Gassy? Gassy? Is it gas? It's gas, isn't it?"

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"How ironic. Now he's blind, after a life of being able to see."

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"Always remember that you’re representing your country. I guess what I’m saying is, don’t mess up France the way you messed up your room."

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"Marge, when I join an underground cult I expect a little support from my family."

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"Ah, the Luftwaffe. The Washington Generals of the History Channel."

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"Marge, I agree with you - in theory. In theory, Communism works. In theory."

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"We're goin bowling. If we don't come back, avenge our deaths."

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"I bet Einstein turned himself into all sorts of colours before he invented the light bulb."

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"Stupid TV! Be more funny!"

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"Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids."

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"I'm going to act how America acts best... unilaterally!"

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""Distracted". Now that's a funny word. Does anyone ever get "tracted"? I'll call the suicide hotline and find out."

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"You're not the only one who can abuse a non-profit organization."

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"Lousy traumatic childhood."

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"Marge, it's 3am. Shouldn't you be baking?"

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"When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong! And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!"

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"Check and mate. Now king me!"

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"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night!"

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"Mmmmmm - 52 slices of American cheese."

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"Purple is a fruit."

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"Uh, we're having a discussion about gay witches for abortion. You wouldn’t be interested."

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"You know me, Marge: I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming."

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"I didn't need that fact... now I forgot who won Bud Bowl 8."

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"You can't spell "dishonorable" without "honorable"."

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"Rock stars, is there anything they don't know?"

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"I'll get out of this city alive, even if it kills me!"

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"Do I know what rhetorical means?"

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"Boy, everyone is stupid except me."

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"Good bye, Lisa. Remember me as I am: Filled with murderous rage!"

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"Good things don't end in -eum; they end in -mania or -teria."

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"Did you know that in Massachusetts it's legal to marry your son?"

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"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

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"I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill."

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"Internet! Is that thing still around?"

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"As long as he has eight fingers and eight toes, he's my son."

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"Oh Maude, the human wang is a beautiful thing."

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"You can't keep blaming yourself, Marge. Just blame yourself once and get on with life."

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"I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!"

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"Hey, what's the big deal about going to some building every Sunday? I mean, isn't God everywhere?"

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"Apu, you got any Skittle Brau? Never mind, just give me some Duff and a pack of Skittles."

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"Back, you robots! Nobody ruins my family vacation but me... and maybe the boy!"

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"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"

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"We're gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays!"

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"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English."

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"You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."

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"Canada? Why would I want to leave America just to visit America, Jr.?"

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"You're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!"

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"Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."

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"I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket and flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?"

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"I hate the public so much! If only they'd elect me. I'd make 'em pay! Aw, Moe, how do I make 'em like me?"

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"Everyone knows rock n' roll attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact."

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"I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich."

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"Now for the easiest job for any coach... the cuts."

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"Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians."

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"I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God."

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"Always submit to peer pressure."

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"Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for love..."

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"I am so smart, I am so smart, S M R T, I mean S M A R T."

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"I hope I didn't brain my damage!"

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"You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning."

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"I'm not a bath man myself. More of a cologne man."

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"And if you get kicked out of that one, you're going straight in the army, where you'll be sent straight to America's latest military quagmire. Where will it be? North Korea? Iran? Anything's possible with Commander Cuckoo-Bananas in charge."

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"Woo hoo! 350 dollars! Now I can buy 70 transcripts of Nightline!"

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"Marge, quick, how many kids do we have? No time, I'll just estimate. Nine!"

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"Hey, I asked for ketchup! I'm eatin' salad here!"

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"You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car!"

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"I wish God were alive to see this."

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"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation."

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"I wonder where Bart is, his dinner's getting all cold... and eaten."

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"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."

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"Who is Fonzy!?! Don't they teach you anything at school?"

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"I may occasionally kill out of anger; or to illustrate a point, but I'm no Grim Reaper!"

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"Well, if it isn't the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lesson."

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"All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals."

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"First you gotta shriek like a woman, then keep sobbing till he turns away in disgust. That's when it's time to kick some ass."

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"Marge, can we go home? All this fresh air is making my hair move and I don't know how long I can complain."

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"Homer no function beer well without."

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"If you're gonna get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things."

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"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

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On August 8, 2003, I posted the first quote on my Homer Jay Simpson's Quote of the Week page. That means Monday marked the page's second birthday. That's over a hundred quotes and counting.

Here's the first quote I shared. "Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back...unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog."

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"I believe children are the future...which is why they must be stopped now!"

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"Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden."

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"I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge. See ya soon!"

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"Our kids keep getting smarter. If we have another kid, he could invent a time machine to go back in time and prevent us from having kids."

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"I used to rock and roll all night and party ev-er-y day. Then it was every other day."

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"Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good."

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"The food was not undelicious."

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"The internet wasn't created for mockery, it was supposed to help researchers at different universities share data sets. It was!"

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"If it doesn't have siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair."

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"I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels."

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"You can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain't ketchup!"

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"I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time."

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"Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson.'"

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"All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one."

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