How Many Canadian Women Choose Not to Have Children?

Published January 24, 2010 @ 10:50 in My 2 Cents

BabyI'm expecting the arrival of my second nephew next week. It'll be my brother Steve's first kid. My other brother has a son who was born the exact same day as my second (and probably last) child.

We were all together last night to celebrate my oldest child's birthday, and a great debate erupted. Based on zero facts and figures, I thought the number of women who choose not to have children could be as high as 30%. Everyone thought that number was ridiculously high (although I'm told Ryan started to side with me).

Here are some assumptions I made as I argued my case:

  • There's a correlation between education and motherhood - the more education you have, the less likely you are to procreate - Canadian women are becoming more educated - more woman are earning university degrees than ever before
  • The less religious you are, the less likely you are to start a family - Canadians are becoming less religious as each year passes
  • City folk are less likely to procreate than suburban or country folk
  • The higher in the corporate hierarchy you climb, the less likely you are to mother a child - women are assuming upper management positions in companies more than ever before

All of that seemed logical to me, and 30% seemed plausible. This morning I did a little Googling and I found this New York Times article entitled More American women choose not to have children.

American women are waiting longer to have children, and more than ever are choosing not to have children at all, according to a report by the U.S. Census Bureau.

Twenty percent of American women from the ages of 40 to 44 have no children, double the level of 30 years ago, the report says, and women in that age bracket who do have children have fewer than ever - an average of 1.9, compared with the median of 3.1 in 1976.

The article went on to say that Hispanic women in the US were bucking the trend. Considering Canada doesn't have the same Hispanic women populous, and per-capita Canadians are more educated, my 30% might not be that ridiculous.

How many Canadian women choose not to have children? If you're a woman who chose not to have kids, I'd love to hear why you made that decision.

34 Responses to "How Many Canadian Women Choose Not to Have Children?"

Anonymous
January 24, 2010 / 11:21

I chose not to have children for many reasons, the main one being they disgust me. I don't like it when they touch me or are even near me. (I don't mind so much when they are about 8 and over)Also most North American children are the worst behaved creatures on the planet. My children have 4 legs and tails (horses, sheep, goats, dogs, cats, etc)
Also there are to many people in this world, people should only be allowed 1 child at the most.Also I beleive potental pet owners as well as parents should require some sort of liscence. There are too many unfit parents/owners out there.
By the way I am not a crazy PETA person I hate PETA, I eat meat. I just don't like people much because of how they treat our planet.

Toronto Mike
January 24, 2010 / 11:24

Thanks Anonymous.

I should point out that this is an instance where it's perfectly fine to leave your entry unsigned or you can always use a fake name.

Childless women by choice - I want to hear from you!

M
January 24, 2010 / 11:38

I do not want children because it's never been something that I've had to do or wanted to do. I've worked hard to create a career and lifestyle that I am extremely happy with, and this career and lifestyle is not conducive to the heavy burdens of raising children. I prefer children that I can give back at the end of the day.

It's unfortunate that procreating is such a huge societal expectation, because the sheer ignorance that is often displayed towards women who are child-free by choice is astounding. I've been called everything from selfish to ignorant, an "unnatural woman", "you have nothing to live for", "you're wasting your life by not having children", delusional, insane... the list goes on. Apparently by making a choice that does not fit into the whole societal "norm" that everyone marries then has children, I opened myself to being belittled and mocked. Like jumping off the proverbial bridge, raising children is not something that people should do just because everyone else is doing it.

It can be very frustrating to be child-free by choice in a world where procreating is expected. However, that frustration is rare for me. I am secure in my choice... because it's best for me.

metricjulie
January 24, 2010 / 11:40

I may only be 25, so my biological clock hasn't begun to go bezerk yet, but I've never had that urge to have children. I used to look around me and feel like I was alone in not wanting children (yet), but the older I get and the more urban I become, the more I see women who are on the fence.

One of my roommates just passed the bar exam; children and family and even a relationship are the furthest things from her mind. Another is a marine biologist who spends 4 months up north every year. No one in this house aspires to becoming a housewife or stay-at-home mom, or even a working mom.

I don't know if it's a Montreal thing, an urban thing or a generational thing, but it seems more and more women are branching out and seeing they can do what they want now. If they want to be a mom, they can be a mom; if they want to travel the world, they can; and if they want a career, they can have it.

We are incredibly lucky to have the right to do what we want now; we need to challenge ourselves and do exactly what we want, no matter what it is.

metricjulie
January 24, 2010 / 11:46

i just realized there is no point to my long post.

the point is: there's too much i want to do and accomplish in life, and i'm just too selfish right now to consider slowing myself down and holding myself back with the responsibility of having children.

Babs
January 24, 2010 / 12:19

I'm pushing 33 and I don't have kids. I don't want them either. I have yet to settle down and get married, and right now, I don't see how I could afford a child, even if I did have one.

With me, I have a lot going on, and a lot of running around and traveling to do right now. I'm having a lot of fun right now, and I think having a child would hinder that a lot.

I remember sitting down and weighing the pros and cons of having a child. In the end, the only good reason was to carry on the family name, and have someone to take care of me in my old age. :P Second up to that was societal pressure.

If those were the best reasons I could think of to have children, I'm glad I thought against it. I may have kids in the future, but certainly not right now.

Just call me childless!
January 24, 2010 / 12:44

On the male side of things, I don't want kids, either. Among other reasons: why would anyone want to bring kids into this f*cked up world?

I downright refuse to date anyone who has - or wants - kids.

twins from bolton
January 24, 2010 / 13:41

Anonymous, I guess you were disgusting as a child & a child you still are. It's everyone's option to have kids but what irritates me is that it's those who DON'T have kids always tell us how to bring them up with advice. I see & hear it constantly as you "dinks - double income no kids" haven't got a clue.

It's your choice but I & my wife chose to have kids - 18 year old twins now. As you get older you may have to turn to someone in immediate family & if spouse has passed away??

I was fortunate to have my KIDS there for me when my Mom passed away for support.

I'd guess that most who don't want to have children are "only kids" in family with no other siblings & have had everything they ever wanted given to them by Mom & Dad.

Unfortunately as you get older you may need support from family & you have none.
Do you live to work or work to live????? A good position in a workplace - may be fine now but you are always closer to the door.

I work to live & support my family & remember you cannot take your $$$ with you. Who will you pass onto??

I really feel sorry for those couples who want children & can't. Person I work with has adopted 2 Vietnamese kids last 4 years as he & wife couldn't have children. God Bless His family.

LusciousTastyMe
January 24, 2010 / 13:57

Many unattractive women fill the family void with a career. Childlessness was therefore a choice made for them by others.

Ryan
January 24, 2010 / 14:32

Mike, I was not only on your side but the reason we had the conversation was because I was telling Mom that i know many women who don't want kids and your wife was quick to jump with Mom saying that was extremely abnormal.

I for one think that there are more than 30% of woman who choose not to have kids or "have kids because they believe they are supposed to".

There is no way we could ever get a real stat for that but I have seen mothers with no maternal instinct whatsoever and usually not so good for the kid's welfare.

The females who have no maternal instincts and choose not to procreate may be the bravest of them all, because it's the right call and they should never be judged.

metricjulie
January 24, 2010 / 15:25

I suppose someone with the pseudonym "LusciousTastyMe" WOULD say that choosing not to have children is for unattractive people.

I sure wish unintelligent people wouldn't have kids either.

Sarah
January 24, 2010 / 15:38

I am childless by choice for a number of reasons.
Unlike some of the others who have commented, I absolutely adore children though. I am a teacher and I spend all day every day with children and I would not change that for all the money in the world. I have never for even one second ever wanted to do anything else as a career and children bring me endless joy. I feel like if I had children of my own, my work as a teacher would suffer - as much as I love spending my days with children, I also appreciate that at the end of the afternoon, they go home with someone else. I feel like I could not do what I do all day and come home to kids at night - I would fail at one of the 2 jobs and failing at being a parent is not an option and teaching is the only thing I have ever wanted to do with my life.
I am also somewhat selfish, when I want it to be quiet at home, I want it to be quiet. When I want to go out, I want to go out and not have to worry about arranging care for a child.
I have felt judged by many people and I feel like it's a personal choice and no one has the right to judge me for it. It's not like I'm telling other people they shouldn't have kids - I'm saying I am not having kids.

Sebastyne
January 24, 2010 / 18:39

30% doesn't sound unrealistic to me either. USA is the cradle of breeding, the attitude in USA is still very traditional compared to a lot of other countries, including Canada, I would assume. (I'm Finnish expat in Australia.) Although I haven't made any effort myself to only make friends with childfee folk, I have found that there is a very few women amongst my friends that want or have children (both in Australia and Finland).

What is also interesting, is that a study shows, that 10% of Americans (male and female alike) who had children, regretted having them. 10%! On the contrary to popular belief, childfree people virtually never went on to regret not having any.

I believe being childless by choice is very similar thing as being gay or straight. You just ARE that way. The thought, although I like children, of having a child feels repulsive to me, equally so as the thought of having sex with another female. It's just not me. Added to that, there are a LOT of logical reasons for not having children, but very few LOGICAL reasons to have them. That is not to say I would want to persuade people from not having children, just that the decision is rarely one made based on sound logic. (And it shouldn't be either, it's not that sort of a decision.)

andrew
January 24, 2010 / 19:51

Sebastyne & Anonymous:

Having a child is repulsive & disgusting???
You BOTH are missing something that will benefit in future - Grandpa & Grandma.

Thank God my Mom & Dad had me & I thank them for that. I can't wait to get get married & have kids of my own.

Good Luck when your old & no one immediate family to turn to if need help!!

Satya
January 24, 2010 / 20:53

I've made the choice not to breed for a number of reasons [when I re-read this it sounds judgemental. It's not meant that way. You asked and it's my honest answer]:

1. It is not my path. Clearly.
2. Politcally, there are far too many children in the world who need parents. They should have homes before we create more children. People want to combine their DNA and have a biological connection to their children, as well as a beautiful "symbol" of their love with another and that would be great if we could get the rest of them cared for first.
3. Environmentally, there's no room on the planet for any more. We're running low on food and potable water and the environmental impact of all the diapers, laundry, and crappy plastic toys is indefensible. Let's feed the ones we have and clean up the mess from the ones already born.
4. Ethically, parenthood is not to be entered into lightly. These are human beings that are going to grow into adults. If they weren't raised with patience, love, and guidance, they will continue to cycle into more selfishness, pain, and destruction as they enter into relationships with others. It's really easy to mess up a kid, who will go on making hurtful choices because as a society we're normalizing that (by not giving children proper guidance and attention).
5. I have chosen to spend my time impacting as many people as possible in a peaceful way (I'm a statistic in my childlessness, with my graduate degree and role as business owner). I could not do this work in the community and properly meet the needs of a child.
6. In my heart - please don't slam me for this feeling: I'm not imposing it upon anyone and already understand how powerfully you may disagree with this - it feels selfish to breed (just to have an image of myself and partner, to have someone obligated to care for me as I age, to have someone who will love me unconditionally, to shape a life, to right the wrongs my parents made...). Some of those needs can be met through adoption or fostering. Too many kids are dying, too many kids are parentless, too many kids already born need love and guidance.

My therapist would say I don't have children because of my traumatic childhood. You can see some echoes of that in other comments here, too. It's partly because children are triggering to survivors and partly because the trauma makes us more sensitive to big picture of child-rearing...Now that I think of it, that 30% stat matches conservative estimates of how many women were violently abused as children. Coincidence?

GetAGrip-ette
January 24, 2010 / 21:13

I choose not to have kids. That's my personal choice. I don't give a fuck what you do.

I don't need your pity. I don't need your sorrow. I don't need a therapist.

And "twins from bolton" and "andrew", you're an asshole. And if you expect us to believe you're two different people with that unique writing style, you're retarded.

Don't tell me I should want to make babies. I'll do what I please.

No Kids For Me!
January 24, 2010 / 21:19

I agree with Just call me childless!

This world is a mess. Why bring someone into a mess?

Roshan
January 24, 2010 / 21:25

Interesting thoughts & opinions here. I am 33, not married and do not have kids. I'm not sure when I see a family in my horizons but I hope that I will someday. I just have some things to take care of first. I'm not overtly fond of kids and I do believe that some people shouldn't have kids as they don't have a clue as to what it takes to raise a human being. If I never have kids of my own I don't think it's the end of the world. But I think every couple without kids of their own should try the adoption route. It can be the most rewarding thing ever. And when the world is against you and your job sucks, one of the best remedies is coming home and having your kid say 'I love you daddy or mommy'. I dunno; if it works out it will. When I was younger, I thought that I would have had a couple of kids by now but it hasn't worked out as I planned. We'll see.

OMG!
January 24, 2010 / 23:14

There sure are some nasties coming out here. I'm staying out of that part.

Mike, my comment is, are you serious about 30%? Just anecdotally, I find it unbelievable. Are 3 out of 10 of the women you know who've hit menopause childless by choice? That's sure not the case for me - maybe 3% in my case...or maybe less.

Rick C in Oakville
January 25, 2010 / 05:30

I've seen the number of professional women (university educated)I deal with in the health care sector opting for childlessness so 30% doesn't sound to far off. Not to insight a riot but it has been the most rewarding experience for my wife and I having our 2 children, had it's up's and downs but to see their successes/failures as young adults and how they deal with these issues is rewarding. For those who say there are too many kids in this world, agreed, but they just happen to be uneducated and in 3rd world countries with no chances at life as we know it. Canada is in a negative population growth situation and we can only sustain it through immigration, but a what level no one knows.

Personally I don't want to know a person who finds kids disgusting, it is almost a form of racism, we wouldn't accept a persons view on a race in the same manner.

Just remember the next generation could be the saviours of our free society that allows you to choose to be childless.

Not Toronto Mike's Brother Ryan
January 25, 2010 / 10:55

wow.
looks like TM's readership is predominantly childless.

i'm the same. my fiancee and i are enjoying our urban lifestyle way too much for offspring. we too get the "what's wrong with you why don't you have kids" thing, but we just laugh it off. someone told me i was selfish..but in fact, i find it's many people who DO have kids who are selfish. i'd say a good percentage of those folks weren't terribly interested in kids in the first place, but they succumbed to societal pressure, or pressure from their mate, or just got preggers. hopefully they'll properly raise their kid(s) but might be secretyl resenting it. fuck i'd hate to be locked into that situation.

so, i know i'm not wanting kids (not now, maybe never, i'm 41), and having one now just doesn't seem very compelling to me. many others do it only because they want someone to take them to die later in life, or pass on the name...so really, who's being selfish?

Chris in EY
January 25, 2010 / 11:45

1. World has always been a mess. We just see now that it's a mess all over the place rather than just in your own backyard.
2. People can do what they want and people who don't want kids should definitely not have them.
3. Bullshit on the world can't handle more people.
4. Most people who say they don't want kids usually have commented something to the effect of "My lifestyle doesn't allow it or I want to do what I want, when I want." Which is pretty much the definition of selfish, however "being selfish" is not against the law.
5. We're animals it's our job to procreate.
6. I have three kids. They will be children for a relatively short amount of time. I will deal with them as adults' for most of the time I have with them. I expect that to be awesome.
7. Nothing is as rewarding or frustrating as being a parent!

jason | getyouroj.com
January 25, 2010 / 11:54

My girlfriend and I are not having childen and if we did we would adopt one of the many orphans on the planet. The reason is that we are responsible global citizens not selfish wal-mart shoppers.

jason | getyouroj.com
January 25, 2010 / 11:56

@ Chris in EY

You have it backwards man, because arguably HAVING kids is way more selfish (and egotistical) than not having kids. Especially those who mooch from the gov't to raise them.

Chris in EY
January 25, 2010 / 12:01

Jason - if no one has kids who will pay for your health care, roads, OAS, CPP etc?

By your line of logic then we as a speicies are useless and to be a responsible global citizen means you and girlfirend should drink Jim Jones Kool aid.

You are right though. THere are some selfish parents out there. My intention was not to imply that there were not.

Romy
January 25, 2010 / 12:09

I like kids just fine, but deciding not to have children is a decision me and my lovely wife happily stand by. Of course, total respect for those who decide otherwise. But a thought provoking sidebar to your discussion is the propensity of couples with kids to morph painfully into people who have NOTHING ELSE they can talk about. Why does this happen? Rachel Cooke, a well known columnist in the UK, had this interesting take on the issue. As a freelance writer, it was one of those "jeez, I wish I'd written that" moments.

Here's the link:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/feb/08/motherhood-children-babies

Anonymous2
January 25, 2010 / 13:34

Someone up there felt that every couple who doesn't have children should "try" the adoption route.

You try broccoli, you don't try adoption.

My husband and I are childless by choice. I've known since I was about 12 that I would not have children and I'm so very happy that I am now at an age where people no longer tell me I'll change my mind.

It was very difficult to find a mate that also was not intrested in parenthood. I've always made it a dealbreaker with past boyfriends that if they wanted children, they were wasting their time on me. Some believed it, others didn't.

Many people have brought up the whole selfish debate. I'm in the camp that I would be selfish if I were to have a child just so I could look "normal" in society. That's what jeans and a t-short are for.

Furthermore, for those family members (oh, and I have 3 brothers. I'm not an only child who had everything handed to her on a plate, as was contemplated up there as well) who continually asked why I wasn't having kids, I finally was able to get them to shut up with a simple response - "My uterus fell out."

The_Voice
January 25, 2010 / 15:53

The question I have: Except for the first year or two (depending on preferences, and this year or two including 9 months pregnant), why is the question directed to women? From a man's perspective, I want to one day have kids, but beyond that first year, I think the expectations on sacrifices should be equal for men and women... so wouldn't kids affect men as well?

LEW
January 25, 2010 / 16:48

Romy - you are 100% correct - the couple that become completely absorbed by their children are the most annoying people in the world; with the exception of Argie and OJ and ex smokers and old people that have ponytails and finally people that wear scarves to look arty.

Sara
January 25, 2010 / 17:38

There are plenty of really valid reasons NOT to have children. I can even identify with most of them.

Maybe there are far fewer reasons TO have children. But you know what? The 20 good reasons to have children outweigh the 100 reasons not to have children, for me.

I am 26, married, and childless (for now).

Without children, you save yourself a life of responsibility, diapers, tantrums, 3 AM wake-up calls, panic, pain, rebellion, and lost freedom. You save yourself time, money, and laundry.

You don't, however (and I don't care how many dogs, cats, horses or rabbits you own), save yourself learning from your child, re-living your own childhood with your son/daughter, wonderful entertainment, reflection, cuteness, love, and getting to watch your child turn into the young woman or man you hoped they'd be.

So, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Everyone is entitled to their soap box speech about living freely, and enjoying the finer things in life, and not having to deal with snot covered little ones - but you're not allowed to discredit the opinion of those who look forward to a life of just that.

Just my two cents.

Latemother.
January 26, 2010 / 10:03

I think both sides of the equation have merit. Human beings are selfish by nature so whatever our choices are they are about ourselves in this matter. I myself sat on the fence for years wondering what was the correct path for me. This was despite the fact I had a very willing man in my life who loves kids. I wasn't sure I would be a good mother. At 40 I took the plunge and I have never looked back. I have never felt love as intensly as I do for my little girl. Yes it is lots and lots of work and at times annoying and a bit gross. Personally I am glad I made the decision I did. I play again, I am learning again and I am seeing the world thru a whole new set of eyes. I am one of the lucky ones.

It is however a choice and if for any reason you do not want to have kids then you should not. It is a committment and responsibility that doesn't end. A personal choice that should not be questioned because if you do not want kids I am not sure how you could ever be a good parent.

Sebastyne
January 26, 2010 / 23:30

Just a curiosity, I asked the question "how many of you don't want kids" on a discussion board I run, which is mainly populated by women (out of 50 active, 2 are men of the men, the other one is a father, the other one is not). The poll result was pretty amazing... 9 said they don't want kids and only 7 said they either have kids or want to have kids. So in that light, I would say 30% isn't unrealistic at all, even though this is a VERY small take, but still.

J
March 1, 2010 / 12:13

I am the person sitting on the fence right now and have heard and felt both sides quite a bit. Most of my friends choose to have kids and maybe 20-30% choose not to have. I am unsure for now, but my husband doesn't want to have kids. I am also the type of person who sees the grass greener on the other side of the fence. Childless for now, I see the benefit from the other side. But if I change my mind, I would probably have wished I have never have done it. My sister's child is disabled and I had a horrible childhood, even though I love kids and I love to play with them....for 5 minutes. I am still deciding and my time is running out...But I know I'll make my decision and I'll be happy with the decision. So wish me luck!

J
March 1, 2010 / 12:15

I am the person sitting on the fence right now and have heard and felt both sides quite a bit. Most of my friends choose to have kids and maybe 20-30% choose not to have. I am unsure for now, but my husband doesn't want to have kids. I am also the type of person who sees the grass greener on the other side of the fence. Childless for now, I see the benefit from the other side. But if I change my mind, I would probably have wished I have never have done it. My sister's child is disabled and I had a horrible childhood, even though I love kids and I love to play with them....for 5 minutes. I am still deciding and my time is running out...But I know I'll make my decision and I'll be happy with the decision. So wish me luck!

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