Nelson Mandela is Alive

Despite what Dubya may have heard, Nelson Mandela is still alive.

In a speech defending his administration's Iraq policy, Bush said former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein's brutality had made it impossible for a unifying leader to emerge and stop the sectarian violence that has engulfed the Middle Eastern nation.

"I heard somebody say, Where's Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas," Bush, who has a reputation for verbal faux pas, said in a press conference in Washington on Thursday.

A reputation for a verbal faux pas? Sure, and Tiger Woods is a pretty good golfer.

Speaking of leaders who are still alive, Fidel Castro appeared in a television interview today. That's right, he's still alive, too. The integrity of hard news hound Perez Hilton is lost forever.