Guest Blog Entries

ac/'r and now this...

unless someone slipped some crack into my morning heroin yesterday, this is what i saw on the edge's playlist..


perhaps the jock was being ironic?

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i, robot

so i'm a big fan of the basic storyline of spielberg's Artificial Intelligence. the movie has some flaws but i loved the premise.

but here's a question. what's your take on the creatures who show up near the end of the movie? i debated this quite a bit with a friend of mine and he was convinced they were aliens, whereas my belief is that they were in fact an even more advanced form of A.I, or said another way - what humans are going to evolve into over the next thousand years or so.

in reality, i personally believe that's pretty much where we're headed. from an evolutionary perspective, our days are numbered - at least in terms of how we exist today.

there's a scientist/ inventor/ futurist/ named Ray Kurzweil who paints a fascinating picture of how this is all going to go down. he even predicts that the fusion of humans/machines will begin as early as 2029, due mainly to how technology speeds up exponentially year after year.

there's an excellent documentary about Kurzweil and his theories called transcendant man that you should check out.

he knows his shit. he predicted the effing internet long before the effing internet existed as we know it today.

what do you think?

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Happy Birthday... me.

I really enjoy my birthday. Once, every 365 days, it's my day. I get to have a beer, remember all the great times I've had in my life and look forward to another great 364 days until I do it all again.

Some say I'm too old to get excited about my birthday. I say that if we lived our lives with the enthusiasm of our youth on our birthday, the world would be a much better place.

Smile, kick up your feet, and celebrate my birthday today. And yours too.

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Phone Karma

Our friend, Toronto Mike, was infamous for carrying around a brick of a phone. His Blackberry was once one of the original pager models RIM produced back in 1999 but it worked for him. He then graduated to the ‘newer’ model that was heavy enough to use as a substitute for the bag of sand you keep in your truck to keep your car from fish-tailing in the snow. For that, and more, we loved to make fun. I mean, really, the guy knows his way around Al Gore’s ‘Net better than 98% of us yet using antiquated technology was no big deal.

It provided me with hours of material.

Karma sucks.

First, the ball on *my* Blackberry fell out. -1

Then, I borrowed my wife's old Blackberry from our trunk and threw out my back carrying it around. -2

I got a new one issued from my new employer. I was happy with my free phone for six months and then I decided to quit that job so back to my wife's old Blackberry. -3

I was back to carrying the equivalent of George Costanza's wallet. Adding insult to injury, the speaker and antennae were broken so I couldn't actually receive a call or connect to a data source unless it was wifi. 3G? I couldn't even get 1G. -4

I’m now onto a new borrowed BB until September. At least this one works. -4.5

I don’t own a phone for you to make fun Mike…you’ve won again, dammit. -100

So what do I do next? Should I buy the Blackberry 9900 or the iPhone 4s or 5 or whatever they call it?

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i'm full

i've decided that it's ok if i never have a shot ever again.

i'm talking about a dirty shot of booze. that's right. a jaegger-bomb, or a tequila, or a black sambuca.

not long ago a bachelor party was thrown for me (even though i didn't want one, but that's another post). every five minutes it seemed there was a new glass of nastiness in my hand, and although i certainly could have turned them down, i consumed them all. after all, you're not a real man if you turn down a shot right? anyway, i think i had 8 -10 of these vile things.

no big surprise here, but the next day i was a complete wreck. it started off with the usual grogginess and disorientation, lead to severe grumpiness and dizziness, and concluded with nausea and a consistent need to be horizontal. i also felt very hot all the time and absolutely nothing could make me feel better. again, no surprise here because i had essentially poisoned my entire system....and my system was entirely pissed off.

and this wasn't the first time of course. over the years, i'm sure there have been hundreds of shots consumed (thousands?), and with the same result usually. so, seeing as the party was a send off to my bachelor-hood, i am happy to officially proclaim an end of the need to consume dirty shots.

drinking them in a high-octane party setting seems to be a rite of passage, an experience one goes through to take the game up a notch. but since i've been at this game for a while, i truly think i've had my fill.

and i know what you might be thinking. but, it's not that i'm getting old - the next day's results are.

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Getting Fired....again.

A few thoughts on getting fired.
Getting fired has made me fat. And lazy. I'm just barely able to bother writing a few line for Mikey Mike's little blog.
I miss being funny every day. Getting fired has made me think less and worry more but I'm out of the practice of making fun of shit on a regular basis.
I don't talk as much. Maybe that's a good thing.
Getting fired is good in that I am spending a great Summer hanging out more with my kids but I'm also counting down the days till the Fall when I really should be doing something for a living.
I'm sure that I will never work again.
I'm sure that I will.
Then I'm not sure some more.
Getting fired has put me in touch with some remarkable and interesting people. It has also put me in touch with some people I'd never have anything to do with if I still had a job and didn't need to suck up to them for some video thing.
I am not working on the Radio but I do work quite a bit for someone with no regular gig. I shoot corporate videos and I'm working on some TV production stuff but I'm not doing what I'm meant to and that always leaves us fired-folk out of sorts.
I miss my friends in the biz but I don't miss some of the people who run the biz. Some of them are mean and they fired me.
The strange quirk of Radio is that the people who know the most about resonating with an audience are on the air and being managed, for the most part, by people who sucked at it and therefore became "managers." They wanted to perform but couldn't so they get to tell the people who can how to do it. This is why Radio is no longer very much fun to listen to.
I will be back on the air again. But that air maybe different.
Getting fired has reminded me that I'd much rather be Not-FIred even though sleeping in past 4am is pretty sweet. Maybe I could figure out a way for you to hear me again without having to get up in the middle of the night.
Maybe I already have.
Maybe It's just wishful thinking.
Getting fired gives you a lot of time for that.

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Back from Jamaica (It's Bev!)

Had a good break from the city driving the entire north coast of Jamaica. Beautiful country but after 16 times of going there, going to Asia would be nice for a change. Or another island. Or how about a cruise? Would that be better than staying in one country?

Anyways, I am grateful for being in Canada for now seeing the effects of this recession out there in JA. Suicidal rates are up, a few tourist spots abandoned, people panicking on how to survive. Sad sad.

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this is weird.

so it's like this. Mike has given me the honour of guest blogging here and there, and although it sounds like good fun, i feel a little weird about it.

to me, it's sort of like i've been invited over to a barbecue at Mike's house through a friend, but i've never met Mike. Mike's hospitable and tells me to feel at home, but you know, i'm just meeting the guy for the first time. it's not like i'm gonna walk around the barbecue in my underwear, because frankly i'd really feel at home then.

Mike also tells me to help myself to a beer in the fridge, which for me is a bit odd too. going into the fridge of a person you just met is a little bit like feeling up a person on the subway. it might be rewarding (beer) but it seems wrong (sexual assault). but, eventually i do proceed to the kitchen to grab a beer. when i open the fridge, i notice that Mike has one of my favourite things in the whole wide world inside. it's those extra spicy beef sausage sticks.

boy do i love those tasty meat sticks.

there's a whole giant pack of them too. and hey, Mike told me to feel at home, so what harm does it do if i grabbed one? so i take a beer and a giant bite of my newly acquired meat prize, shut the door of the fridge, and turn just in time to see Mike walking into the kitchen.

now let's face it. although Mike has told me to feel at home, i don't think he really meant for me to root through the various compartments of his refrigerator to see if i could throw a snack together. i sheepishly look at Mike and stop chewing in an attempt to camouflage my poaching, but it's too late. we both know i've crossed some line of intimacy that i simply haven't earned yet. what's next? i show up unannounced at his house christmas morning just as his kids are opening presents?

so Mike, and all of you, thank you for letting me into your home. i'm flattered by your invitation but don't be surprised if, once in a while, there's a bit of fumbling awkwardness here and there.

Ryan G

PS - proving my point, i nearly forgot to ultimately pose the question to all of you.

got any awkward real-life stories? if so, share some here.

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The Grinch Chimes In

emailI just received an email from The Grinch. The Grinch is a well deserved alias for a curmudgeonly dude I used to work with. This message is a little less Grinchy than usual

Well its that time of year again and I would like to wish Mike and all his readers a Merry Christmas.

I would also like to say to everyone that at this busy time of the year it is easy to rush through the holidays getting ready and then its over. Take the time to enjoy your familly with happiness. I was always a grinch at this time of the year and now I am missing someone that was very important to my whole life and I wish that I had taken the time to enjoy it more.

Mrs. Grinch passed away suddenly in 2006. If you're out there Grinch, Merry Christmas to ya. I hope to bump into you again soon. Your advice is very wise.

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Mad About Madd Madness

angryI received an email yesterday from twins from bolton. He's upset at the recent Toronto Star report that Mothers Against Drunk Driving only gives 19 cents of every dollar to victim services and the fight against drunk driving. Here's what he wrote.

This whole MADD charity situation has gotten me totally PISSED off. We have donated much coin to this supposed charity where only 19% goes to actual funding & the rest to telemarketers & door to door fundraisers. We feel we have been ripped off.

Yesterday they called again (as usual every month) for their donation. I questioned the person on the phone regarding the % actually used & they had no response. No more coin going to a worthy cause - too bad THEY BLEW IT. $ going elsewhere. My wife is sending a letter (& no donation this month) asking for some splaining to do LUCY.

19% doesn't sit well with me either. It's like when I sold those chocolate bars in primary school to pay for a new playground. I got two bucks for each box, but the manufacturer walked away with more than half that amount. St. Pius X even tore down that playground and built a new one.

Are you now sceptical of all charities? Has this recent controversy adversely effected your holiday giving?

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