White People Like Camping

campingStuff White People Like has done it again. Just like they did with The Wire, they've nailed camping.

If you find yourself trapped in the middle of the woods without electricity, running water, or a car you would likely describe that situation as a “nightmare” or “a worse case scenario like after plane crash or something.” White people refer to it as “camping.”

When white people begin talking to you about camping they will do their best to tell you that it’s very easy and it allows them to escape the pressures and troubles of the urban lifestyle for a more natural, simplified, relaxing time. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In theory camping should be a very inexpensive activity since you are literally sleeping on the ground. But as with everything in white culture, the more simple it appears the more expensive it actually is.

Camping is a multi-day, multi-step, potentially lethal activity that will cost you a large amount of both time and money. Unless you are in some sort of position where you absolutely need the friendship of a white person, you should avoid camping at all costs.

The first stage of camping always involves a trip to an outdoor equipment store like REI (or in Canada, Mountain Equipment Co-Op). These stores are well known for their abundance of white customers and their extensive inventory of things for white people to buy and only use once. If you are ever tricked into going to one of these stores, you can make white people like you by saying things like “man, this Kayak is only $1200, if I use it 35 times I’ve already saved money over renting.” Note: do not actually buy the kayak.

Next, white people will then take this new equipment and load it into an SUV or Subaru Outback with a Thule or Yakima Roof Rack. Then they will drive for an extended period of time to a national park or campsite where they will pay an entrance fee and begin their journey. It is worth noting that white people are unaware of the irony of using a gas burning car to bring them closer to nature and it is not recommended that you point this out. It will ruin their weekend.

Once in the camp area, white people will walk around for a while, set up a tent, have a horrible night of sleep, walk around some more. Then get in the car and go home. This, of course, is a best case scenario. Worst case scenarios include: getting lost, poisoned, killed by an animal, and encountering an RV. Of these outcomes, the latter is seen by white people as the worst since it involves an encounter with the wrong kind of white people.

Conversely, any camping trip that ends in death at the hands of nature or requires the use of valuable government resources for a rescue is seen as relatively positive in white culture. This is because both situations might eventually lead to a book deal or documentary film about the experience.

Ultimately the best way to escape a camping trip with white people is to say that you have allergies. Since white people and their children are allergic to almost everything, they will understand and ask no further questions. You should not say something like “looking at history, the instances of my people encountering white people in the woods have not worked out very well for us.”

To be fair, I don't own a $1200 kayak, and even before Canadian Tire provided me with new camping essentials, I had camping down to a very inexpensive art. For me, that's only part of the allure. Once I'm out there, with my tent pitched and laptop three hours away, I can literally hear myself decompress. It's plenty of hikes, lots of swimming and hours and hours of playing cards, throwing a frisbee and roasting marshmallows on the campfire.

It really is my holiday of choice, but then again, I'm white.

Camping in Canada


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Comments (19 - click here to join in!)

Gary

I'm getting really tired of all these 'White' attacks.

August 18, 2009 @ 11:33 AM

Toronto Mike

The last acceptable target is the white male.

August 18, 2009 @ 12:26 PM

Argie

"The last acceptable target is the white male"

Only if he's hetro and Christian....

August 18, 2009 @ 12:31 PM

Gary

Why is it acceptable, Mike?? I don't think it is. In fact, I am pissed off.

August 18, 2009 @ 1:39 PM

Toronto Mike

It's not an attack. It's funny. At least I personally find most entries on Stuff White People Like to be hilarious. I just wish they'd post more frequently.

Gary, I think #101 is for you. Being Offended: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/05/28/101-being-offended/

August 18, 2009 @ 1:44 PM

Toronto Mike

Actually, Gary, I take that back. "Naturally, white people do not get offended by statements directed at white people. In fact, they don’t even have a problem making offensive statements about other white people. As a rule, white people strongly prefer to get offended on behalf of other people."

In all seriousness, this is purely satirical. I happen to think it's done rather well.

August 18, 2009 @ 1:47 PM

coopy

relax Gary. We've had it pretty easy over history. Look at all the other races and how bad they've had it... they've been persecuted and killed because of their skin colour.

this is joke article. I think you should go camping. hahaha

August 18, 2009 @ 1:48 PM

Argie

I think the 'stuff white people like' book is hilarious. I believe the author got the title wrong. It should "Stuff white lame liberal guilt ridden urban geeks like".

And of course Toronto Mike is the poster boy. No offence, Mike...

August 18, 2009 @ 2:16 PM

felix

He is our poster boy, and we are his flock, Argie.

August 18, 2009 @ 6:59 PM

Anonymous

This member of the "flock" is volunteering to be a black sheep. I'm white and can't stand camping.

August 18, 2009 @ 8:53 PM

felix

Well, so am I, and I'll only do it if I absolutely have to.

SWPL is a funny book, though.

August 18, 2009 @ 11:09 PM

Toronto Mike

I know white people who don't camp, namely my two brothers, but do we know any non-white people who love camping?

August 18, 2009 @ 11:23 PM

Ajax Mike

I like camping, but camping doesn't like me. Damn allergies and sensitive skin.

August 19, 2009 @ 8:03 PM

Chas Underwood III

The camping post made me laugh out loud, literally. If you are tired of making fun of white people, try making fun of rich people at the spin-off http://StuffRichPeopleLove.com!

August 25, 2009 @ 3:22 PM

William Dunigan

Greetings to all in that mighty name of "Jesus":
Each Christian of whom know him in the power of His resurrection...or, maybe I should say...those who are well acquainted with the fact, that He truly did come back from the dead...also appeared to His disciples.

Thomas was invited by Jesus to feel the nail prints within His hands. So, those who also have been convinced by only having His spirit to convince them, having never had the opportunity to feel the nail prints in his hands, as did Thomas: Jesus said blessed are those who have seen and then believed, but greater are the blessings that rest upon those who have never seen, but still believe.

I am a full time writer and an ordained minister. I have written three books so far. My first book: Reviving the dead church, by reminiscing the day of Pentecost. The second one is: Beyond the Golden Sunset and by the Crystal Sea. My third book: Off to visit the Prophet Elijah, on this one, the contract to publish has been completed and soon the book will be published.
Warm regards

William Dunigan
www.eloquentbooks.com/BeyondTheGoldenSunsetAndByTheCrystalSea.html -

September 17, 2009 @ 10:20 AM

Suzanne

I love doing camping very much!But for me it doesn't matter if you were white or what as long as you like camping then both us will have a good company together.I guess white people just like doing camping.So all white people go out and enjoying doing camps!Don't be afraid!

July 22, 2010 @ 9:55 PM

Nikki

Is this a very big issue why white people like camping very much.It seems to be natural that all of us will do camping right?

July 27, 2010 @ 7:03 PM

carolyn

I guess white people really love doing camping.What's the big deal with that?I think there is not!They enjoy if they will be stranded at the wilderness, for them its adventure that so called camping.

July 29, 2010 @ 7:42 PM

dan

Indeed I love camping!But I'm not I white person.I guess is not just the white people love camping.Am i right?

August 1, 2010 @ 11:27 PM

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