I'm With Larry

notepadLarry David recently wrote a guest post for The Huffington Post. I've always laughed my ass off at Larry David, both his contribution to Seinfeld and his most excellent Curb Your Enthusiasm. Read what Larry has to say in a post he entitled "Waiting for Nov. 4th."

I can't take much more of this. Two weeks to go, and I'm at the end of my rope. I can't work. I can eat, but mostly standing up. I'm anxious all the time and taking it out on my ex-wife, which, ironically, I'm finding enjoyable. This is like waiting for the results of a biopsy. Actually, it's worse. Biopsies only take a few days, maybe a week at the most, and if the biopsy comes back positive, there's still a potential cure. With this, there's no cure. The result is final. Like death.

Five times a day I'll still say to someone, "I don't know what I'm going to do if McCain wins." Of course, the reality is I'm probably not going to do anything. What can I do? I'm not going to kill myself. If I didn't kill myself when I became impotent for two months in 1979, I'm certainly not going to do it if McCain and Palin are elected, even if it's by nefarious means. If Obama loses, it would be easier to live with it if it's due to racism rather than if it's stolen. If it's racism, I can say, "Okay, we lost, but at least it's a democracy. Sure, it's a democracy inhabited by a majority of disgusting, reprehensible turds, but at least it's a democracy." If he loses because it's stolen, that will be much worse. Call me crazy, but I'd rather live in a democratic racist country than a non-democratic non-racist one. (It's not exactly a Hobson's choice, but it's close, and I think Hobson would compliment me on how close I've actually come to giving him no choice. He'd love that!)

The one concession I've made to maintain some form of sanity is that I've taken to censoring my news, just like the old Soviet Union. The citizenry (me) only gets to read and listen to what I deem appropriate for its health and well-being. Sure, there are times when the system breaks down. Michele Bachmann got through my radar this week, right before bedtime. That's not supposed to happen. That was a lapse in security, and I've had to make some adjustments. The debates were particularly challenging for me to monitor. First I tried running in and out of the room so I would only hear my guy. This worked until I knocked over a tray of hors d'oeuvres. "Sit down or get out!" my host demanded. "Okay," I said, and took a seat, but I was more fidgety than a ten-year-old at temple. I just couldn't watch without saying anything, and my running commentary, which mostly consisted of "Shut up, you prick!" or "You're a fucking liar!!!" or "Go to hell, you cocksucker!" was way too distracting for the attendees, and finally I was asked to leave.

Assuming November 4th ever comes, my big decision won't be where I'll be watching the returns, but if I'll be watching. I believe I have big jinx potential and may have actually cost the Dems the last two elections. I know I've jinxed sporting events. When my teams are losing and I want them to make a comeback, all I have to do is leave the room. Works every time. So if I do watch, I'll do it alone. I can't subject other people to me in my current condition. I just don't like what I've turned into -- and frankly I wasn't that crazy about me even before the turn. This election is having the same effect on me as marijuana. All of my worst qualities have been exacerbated. I'm paranoid, obsessive, nervous, and totally mental. It's one long, intense, bad trip. I need to come down. Soon.

I'm a Canadian living in Canada, but I feel the same way Larry does. I'm anxious as well, fearful of an October surprise or rigged e-voting machines. There's something eerie about McCain's guarantee of victory, as if he knows something... as if his party has already taken care of the details.

As a Canadian watching both campaigns, this is a magnificent no-brainer. Obama is so clearly the person for this job at this time it's making me crazy that he isn't up 20 points in the poll. I just want November 4th to get here and for my neighbours to the south to do the right thing, for them and for our planet.

Like Larry says, the result is final. Like death.


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Comments (37 - click here to join in!)

Argie

Why are liberals so insecure? I mean they’ve already come up with an excuse if ‘The Chosen One’ loses. It will because Americans are racist, according to these morally bankrupted losers. To play the race before anything happens is so sad and yet not suspiring.

Is it at all possible that if Hussein Obama loses it will be because the majority of voters came to their senses on election night and went with the better candidate – just a thought?

Larry David is a funny guy but not surprisingly he’s a Hollywood liberal who’s seen his marriage fall apart and now believes the hot 20 year old model that’s dating him is NOT after his money. He’s a walking, talking stereotype – if you know what I mean…..

October 27, 2008 @ 2:35 PM

Mike

Guys, you can comment, just ignore the screen that says "archive_file_for Page archive needs a page at lib/MT/WeblogPublisher.pm line 1977" - we're trying something new on the server.

October 27, 2008 @ 3:01 PM

Buffalo Boy Mike

Wow, I couldn't have said it better myself. I feel, this election is going to be tampered with and not by Obama. The Republicans are a power hungry, greedy party and will do anything to keep control. I worry about the privatization of our schools and healthcare system, the privatizing of our social security. Its a scary thing if McCain gets in and really, how bad is it that there is infighting amongst Palin and McCain's staff.
I do think that we are going in the right direction because we are getting huge turnouts for early voting which is actually a good sign for Obama.

October 27, 2008 @ 3:17 PM

Brad

If McCain wins, I'm moving to Canada.

October 27, 2008 @ 3:35 PM

Andrew

Why use his middle name, Argie?

And what do you actually mean by "you know what I mean"?

I get that you hate Obama. But he is not this dangerous criminal that the insecure Republicans are condeming him to be.

I don't believe anyone is yelling "terrorist" or "kill him" at Obama's rallies about McCain. So who is really insecure?

October 27, 2008 @ 3:48 PM

James Edgar

Argie you are an idiot.

October 27, 2008 @ 4:26 PM

Argie

James: So well thought out…..

My comment simply points out how the left in the US and Cda have come up with an excuse if BHO doesn’t win.

And BRAD – we don’t want you – maybe Mexico will take you.

October 27, 2008 @ 4:34 PM

Argie

James: So well thought out…..

My comment simply points out how the left in the US and Cda have come up with an excuse if BHO doesn’t win.

And BRAD – we don’t want you – maybe Mexico will take you.

October 27, 2008 @ 4:34 PM

Mike from Lowville

Yeah, what James said. Oh, Argue? What's this word?

suspiring

Good one smart ass.

October 27, 2008 @ 4:38 PM

Leon

LD, you gotta get in that ass!

October 27, 2008 @ 4:50 PM

james edgar

I did have a well thought response but I realized that it would be wasted on you. Frankly you and people like you get me so irritated that I get halfway through and give up. You can't see reason and can't think for yourself from what I see so why bother?

Larry david is right to be Paranoid. The republicans are capable of rigging. And this stupid election ahs gone on FAR too long!

October 27, 2008 @ 4:54 PM

LEW

and for what it is worth, here is my prediction.
There will be no election - the Angler hit Syria and Pakistan, there will be a threat to the US security and Geo will have to stay to "stabalize" the country.

October 27, 2008 @ 5:21 PM

Jason | GetYourOJ.com

Have you guys ever played "lemmings"?

October 27, 2008 @ 6:39 PM

Toronto Mike

Hey Argie, why call Barack Obama by his middle name?

And Leon, Get in that Ass, Larry!

http://www.torontomike.com/2007/11/my_desert_island_show.html

October 27, 2008 @ 7:22 PM

Tee

I can't believe that so many people see a difference between Obama and McCain. The only candidate for change was Ron Paul.

October 27, 2008 @ 8:16 PM

Buffalo Boy Mike

Actually Tee there were two candidates for Change, Denis Kucinich was the other That would have been an interesting race, Kucinich against Ron Paul

October 28, 2008 @ 8:22 AM

Jeff

Mike,

You said:

"...this is a magnificent no-brainer. Obama is so clearly the person for this job at this time it's making me crazy that he isn't up 20 points in the poll..." Replace Obama with Harper and you've got your very own home grown Canadian situation. Isn't it amazing that Canadians and Americans can be so alike while being on opposite sides of the equasion?

Amazing how people's fear of the unknown can make them make stupid decisions...The rest of the country gets it while the people of Toronto barry their heads in the sand.

October 28, 2008 @ 9:03 AM

Argie

People on both sides will debate whether Obama will increase taxes, get the US out of Iraq and whether he’ll be a weak president when it comes to national security. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see for those things.

What is definite is that he is strongly pro-abortion (more so than Hillary or any other Democrat). I realize the abortion issue is not important for the liberals here but for me what is more important than preserving the life of a baby? Is the economy more important? I don’t believe so.

October 28, 2008 @ 9:34 AM

Fredericton Steve

Thanks for that post Argie. Your statement is exactly what is wrong with the way people vote in North America. Abortion issues are more important that the economy? Are you kidding? I dont want to turn this into an abortion debate as there are no winners to that debate. However, people need to start voting for how the living is affected. I don't see how an unborn babys rights are held high yet it is ok that millions live with out health insurance, proper schooling and sufficient food. I see that as a double standard.

October 28, 2008 @ 10:21 AM

Jill

Argie, do you feel there is a difference between pro choice and pro abortion. I shudder to think that candidates are pro-abortion. To me there is a definative difference.

October 28, 2008 @ 10:28 AM

Argie

Fred’n Steve: I don’t rely on the govt to provide me with a job. I received a free education and I then went out and got a job. Too many people (liberals) wait for the govt to give them everything whether its a job and/or a house. All I want the govt to do for me is to make the law, uphold it and punish those who break the law.

As for free healthcare, we in Canada don’t have it either. We pay through our nose in taxes (at least those in the middle class and up do) for an inferior health system that forces people to wait 6 months for a MRI to determine if they have cancer. I have friends in the US who can get an MRI the next day.

October 28, 2008 @ 10:40 AM

Argie

Hi Jill: I believe there is a difference. People who are pro-choice feel it’s the woman’s right to chose. They would prefer that women wouldn’t kill their babies but they still believe that its her choice.

Our friend Obie has voted to allow late term abortions and in rare cases where an aborted fetus who has lived through the abortion to NOT be treated by a doctor – which of course guarantees it will die. He has also stated that he would always ensure a woman’s right to kill err choose. Therefore, he is truly pro-abortion.

October 28, 2008 @ 10:49 AM

Andrew

Argie, you still haven't answered why you used Obama's middle name.

As President, I don't think Obama will bother altering the current laws on abortion. But I could be wrong. You can't just focus on this one issue.

You also post that pro-choice is a difference but then in your last line you remove that statement with a callous "error" with choice and kill. You always seem to destroy your own credibility with actions like this.

October 28, 2008 @ 11:17 AM

Argie

Andrew: I try to inject a bit a humour in my posts. I realize not everyone is going to appreciate it but oh well….

This also applied to why I used Obama’s middle name. Its been done before and predictably you and Mike took offence to it. I suppose its like how some liberals will equate conservatives to Nazis – its completely incorrect but still funny at times. ‘The Family Guy’ made reference to it a few weeks ago and of course it was hilarious.

October 28, 2008 @ 11:30 AM

Mike from Lowville

"I have friends in the US who can get an MRI the next day."

.....and how much does that cost them to move to the front of the line?

"an inferior health system that forces people to wait 6 months for a MRI to determine if they have cancer"

That statement is pure BULL!!! What.....one isolated case and now everyone has to wait 6 months? Argue, you need a good mouthwash with all that BULLSHIT coming out of your hole.

October 28, 2008 @ 11:34 AM

Argie

Mike: My friend in the US (Maryland to be more specific) has health insurance covered by his employer.

Talk to anyone who has waited for an MRI in Ontario. Even out west many mothers with high risk pregnancies are sent to the US because the hospitals simply don’t have the room or resources.

Talk to anyone in Windsor and they’ll tell they know someone who was sent to a Detroit hospital in an ambulance for the same reasons as above.

October 28, 2008 @ 11:48 AM

Mike from Lowville

Your friend may be SOL if the wrong Prez gets in. My wife was diagnosed, MRI and surgery within 2 weeks. Being sent to the US is still covered under our health care. But, keep slamming our health care, maybe you will get your Conservative wish and it will be privatized. A fools wish.

October 28, 2008 @ 12:09 PM

Mike from Lowville

"All I want the govt to do for me is to make the law, uphold it and punish those who break the law."


......and bail out the greedy pricks on Bay street and nationalize the banks?

October 28, 2008 @ 12:12 PM

Andrew

If it is so funny why don't you use McCain's middle name.

And the Family Guy reference was making fun of people like yourself, Argie. At least you can laugh at yourself, I guess.

October 28, 2008 @ 12:31 PM

Argie

Andrew: I’m not sure what McCain’s middle name is but a lot of people refer to the President as ‘dubya’.

If someone wants to refer to me as a Nazi – they can go ahead. I find it humourous.

October 28, 2008 @ 12:58 PM

Argie

Mike: I hope you’re wife is doing OK now, I really do.

My mother in law’s experience was quite different. The time between diagnosis and surgery was about 5 months.

October 28, 2008 @ 1:11 PM

Kathleen

The reason O is not 20 points ahead in the polls is because this is a center-right country and Obama is a far left.

October 28, 2008 @ 5:51 PM

Kathleen

^ sorry, meant to say "Obama is far left"

October 28, 2008 @ 5:53 PM

Obama 3008

John Sydney McCain III

Sarah Louise (Heath) Palin

Barack Hussein Obama II

Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.

There is only one name in the list above that we have been ordered not to say.

October 29, 2008 @ 12:22 PM


Tee

M from L: Corporate welfare is a leftist idea. No self-respecting conservative would promote such an intrusion on free market.

October 29, 2008 @ 7:35 PM

Mike from Lowville

TEE, I guess there are no self-respecting conservatives left in THESE times.

October 30, 2008 @ 8:57 AM

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