Pope Benny's Secret Orders

crossI have an important message for my Roman Catholic friends, especially my Roman Catholic friends across Latin America. I just got off the phone with Pope Benny, and he told me something I have to share with you all. He says it's okay to use condoms.

I realize the official stance out of the Vatican is that all forms of contraception are bad, but that's a rule meant to be broken. Benny realizes abstinence isn't realistic and that 1.7 million people across Latin America are infected with the HIV virus or full-blown AIDS, and he thinks that sucks. Condoms protect against the HIV virus and if used in all relationships will fix this epidemic good. Benny wants that for you. He just told me so.

You won't read this in the mainstream press, as this was an exclusive Toronto Mike chat with the Popester, but you can trust me. Condoms are A-OK. Use them, screw like rabbits and enjoy life. You're still a good Catholic.

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Assuming you don't rob or murder anyone...

October 23, 2007 @ 8:55 PM


Now you can only use condoms to prevent HIV virus but not for birth control?

October 23, 2007 @ 11:36 PM

Toronto Mike

Benny told me you can use condoms for both. But as A.R. suggested, you still can't rob or murder anyone.

October 24, 2007 @ 8:41 AM


Hey by the way, why is it that using condoms is frowned upon by the Vatican. More babies equals more Christians? More believers? What is their issue? People are going to have sex anyway!

October 24, 2007 @ 8:40 PM

Toronto Mike

"More babies equals more Christians" - maybe that's why they frown upon it. They've got to increase the flock.

I know I'm a lapsed Catholic and all, but the Vatican has blood on their hands here. They are leading lambs to the slaughter and it's wrong.

October 24, 2007 @ 9:01 PM

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