Friends With Balls

Friends"Friends" wrapped its final episode in front of an invitation-only audience on a set veiled in secrecy yesterday. Boo hoo. What a crappy show.

I suspect we'll be seeing numerous Friends-related news items from now until the airing of the final episode on May 6th. I haven't seen Friends in many years, but I might even tune in to the finale to celebrate the death of one of the least funny sitcoms ever to receive such undeserved admiration from the masses.

I've read that NBC is running promos claiming Friends is the funniest television show of all time. Spare me. How can they make such an insane claim? There should be a law against false advertising of this obscene nature. Are they trying to tell us Friends was funnier than "All In The Family", "I Love Lucy", "M*A*S*H", "Frasier", "The Larry Sanders Show", "The Simpsons", "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Seinfeld"? That's quite the stretch.

The secrecy surrounding this Friends finale is to keep the plot from being revealed before it airs. I'm hoping the writers of Friends have some balls and go out with a bang. I have a few ideas. Perhaps the six could join a cult and commit mass suicide a'la Heaven's Gate. Maybe that coffee shop guy could go postal and the final scene could be six body bags being wheeled out of the joint. My final suggestion is that Monica finally snaps and ends up in a mental institution, Chandler realizes he's been living a lie and has a sex change operation, Ross offs himself upon realizing he's a total geek, Phoebe is busted for prostitution while giving an undercover cop a happy ending after his massage, Rachel is killed in a freak blow dryer accident and Joey, who are we kidding, Joey ends up perfectly fine. NBC's banking on his spin-off next fall.

Will the Friends writers have the balls to make this finale something interesting? Hell no. Look for a closing scene with a group hug. A big hug by these six souless maggots is inevitable.


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