Habs Suck

Andrew Ference: Hero

puckAndrew Ference lived the fantasy shared by many a Leafs fan when he flipped the bird to the Bell Centre crowd in Montreal last night.

I'd gladly pay $2500 to do that.

Discuss "Andrew Ference: Hero" (13 comments so far)


A Leafs Fan Cheers For The Bruins (Because He Has To, And You Do, Too)

puckThis is going to feel funny, but here it comes...

Go Bruins!

BostonBRUINSlogo

That's right, during the first round of the NHL playoffs, I'll be cheering passionately and feverishly for the Boston Bruins, one of my five least favourite NHL teams. I don't want to cheer for the Bruins, but I have no choice, and neither do you, if you're a fellow Leafs fan. The reason is obvious.

bruins

Last year during the playoffs, many of you forgot the cardinal rule of the Barilkosphere. If you love the Leafs, you hate the Habs. It is written. In case you missed that gentle reminder from May 2010, here it is again for you.

LeafsIf another supposed Leafs fan tells me they're cheering for the Habs, I'm going to blow. The commonality amongst the people I'm hearing this nonsense from is that they're all young. It seems our youth thinks it's okay to love the Leafs and root for the Habs.

When I ask these young Leaf fans why they're cheering for Montreal, they give me the same two reasons:

  1. They're a Canadian-based franchise, and we should root for a Canadian team
  2. They're underdogs, and we should root for the plucky underdog

Kids, let me be clear: under no circumstance is it okay for you to cheer for the Montreal Canadiens if you love the Toronto Maple Leafs. There are no exceptions. Should Montreal face Ottawa in the conference finals, you cheer for an influenza outbreak that suspends the season.

Luckily, Montreal isn't facing Ottawa in the conference final. Montreal's facing Philadelphia, and that means for the next couple of weeks I'll be rooting with all my might for the Philadelphia Flyers. Normally, I strongly dislike the Flyers, but in this situation, as a die-hard Leafs fan, the choice is clear. Actually, it's not a choice at all.

If you know a young, ignorant, misguided Leafs fan who has decided to cheer on the Habs during these playoffs, please direct them here. We need to put an end to this despicable nonsense. Again, so there's no misunderstanding: If you love the Leafs, you hate the Habs. There are no exceptions.

Go Bruins Go!

Discuss "A Leafs Fan Cheers For The Bruins (Because He Has To, And You Do, Too)" (18 comments so far)


It Really Felt Like '93 - Montreal Canadiens Eulogy 2009-10

NHLThe Barilkosphere has produced a great eulogy for the Montreal Canadiens' 2009-10 season. This gem comes courtesy of Bloge Salming and Down Goes Brown.

Here are the lyrics so you can sing along at home:

I believed it was meant to be
And it felt a little bit like 93
With flailing hands we held them high
But then the Flyers came along and they made us cry
We used to talk about Stanley Cups
But now the conference finals is good enough
So if we just won a game in the second round
Then let's burn this city right to the ground

Here's a rap from the rubble of Montreal
Where we used to expect that we'd win it all
The cigars got lit and the champagne flowed
But I guess you could say that was a long time ago

These days the forum ghosts have got pretty quiet
So when we win a round then it's time to riot
I thought we used to brag about 24?
Guess it don't take as much to impress us anymore

"Because we were the eight seed, that's the reason."
Well, yeah, because we sucked for most of the season
From October through March it was losing streaks
But then we got hot for three whole weeks.

Now we're all in love with Jaroslav Halak
Going to pay big dollars now to bring him back
But you're a Hab for life, bro, we got your back
Of course we said the same thing to Georges Laraque

You have one bad game and when you leave the ice
You're going to hear us chanting loud for Carey Price
But don't blame us it's just how we roll
We can be a little tough on the guys in goal

We might be hard to please but now we're rubbin'
One or two out to PK Subban
We know that his defence can be pretty bad
But he's still the best prospect we've ever had

You see we don't draft guys who can help win games
But we do draft guys who have got french names
And that's why this year will always make us smile
Cause we're not getting this close again for a while.

I believed it was meant to be
But instead we got sent home in round three
Our flailing hands are held up high
While the cop sprays pepper spray in our eyes
We used to talk about Stanley Cups
But now the conference finals is good enough
So if we just won a game in the second round
Then let's burn this city right to the ground

So here's a little shout out from around the league
From the fans out there of the other teams
Let's raise a glass and send up a call
And make sure they can hear us out in Montreal

This is for the Habs fans with the attitude
For the guys getting drunk and acting rude
For the US anthems that you booed
For the tiny little hot dogs you call food

For the fans who act like they think they're better
For making our school kids read The Sweater
For the pomp and the hype and the made up curses
For the punched out linesmen and the stolen purses

For the nightly pre-game banner raisings
For the nightly post-game frat boy tasings
For the loudmouth fans and their ole oles
For the loser rubbing shoe polish on his face

For the centennial and for your barber poles
For your ghosts and your luck and your waived off goals
For the dives and the faking that made us sick
For Too Many Men, and for McSorley's stick

For the non-stop talk about 24
For the knowledge that you're never going to win one more
For the broken windows and the burnt out cabs
Shout it one more time y'all, [bleep] the Habs

I believed it was meant to be
But our forwards look a little like five-foot-three
So let's find some old guy
And raise another number up to the sky
We used to talk about Stanley Cups
But now the conference finals is good enough
So if we just won a game in the second round
Then let's burn this city right to the ground

I believed it was meant to be
But instead we got a Puck Daddy eulogy
So let's watch the police helicopter in the sky
And party on the streets and try not to die.
We used to talk about Stanley Cups
But now the conference finals is good enough
So if we just won a game in the second round
Then let's burn this city right to the ground

Discuss "It Really Felt Like '93 - Montreal Canadiens Eulogy 2009-10" (13 comments so far)


For Cheryl as Her Habs Are Eliminated

puckThe Habs have just been ousted from these Stanley Cup playoffs. They won exactly nine more games than I thought they would, but ding-dong the witch is dead.

I'm not going to gloat... my Leafs didn't make the playoffs, and I'd give anything right now to witness 9 playoff victories in one post-season, so I'm going to collect all the comments left on this blog by a Habs fan named Cheryl.

First there was my appearance on The Team 990 where I made a bet with Metric Julie. Cheryl didn't like that.

Right on.  Go Habs go.  I didn't like that thing.  I'm a Habs fan.

No no, Leafs have no chance.  Go Habs go.

No no, the Leafs won't win the cup.  The Leafs are not the best.  Go
Habs go.

I lost that bet with Metric Julie. Cheryl chimed in again.

I'm from toronto, but I'm a Habs fan.  Go Habs go.  Habs will win.
Habs and Coyotes to the finals.

Even if I wrote about going to a TFC match, she was there.

Yes, Habs in DC.  Habs will win.  Washington isn't that good at all.
Habs all the way.  Habs and Coyotes to the finals.

I then wrote about the Sens being eliminated, and she was ready to pounce.

No, the Habs do not suck.  The Habs are great.  The Sens may suck, but
not the Habs.  Habs and Coyotes to the finals.

An entry I wrote about the final four series was blessed with four visits from Cheryl.

Habs all the way.  Yes, they lost yesterday, but they're going to win
it in six or seven.  My habs will win the cup again.  Just wait.  Go
Habs go.  My Coyotes are out.  Who cares about the rest.

Habs are going to win.  Halak is unbeatable.  So they lost on Friday,
but they will win today and win the series in six or seven and then no
more Penguins.

I told you so.  habs won.  Habs in six or seven if it goes that far,
but maybe Habs in five.  Penguins have no chance.

Of course, the Habs are going to win.  So they had a bad day last
night.  Tomorrow they'll win and they'll win on Saturday and monday.
Halak is going to be unbeatable again.  you'll see.  Go Habs.

I wrote an important message to Habs fans from Leafs fans, and Cheryl was there.

The Habs are going to win.  This is it.  They're going to win the cup.
Sid the Kid isn't that good honestly.  The Pens have no chance.  The
Habs are really going to win the cup.  There is no way anyone can stop
them now.  Go Habs go.  Just get used to saying that.  They are really
going to win.

Well, I told you so.  Habs all the way to the cup.  They are going to
win it.  The Flyers or Bruins have no chance at beating the Habs. Habs
all the way.

The Habs will win the cup.  Halak is that good.  The Flyers have no
chance.  Nobody is going to beat Halak.  Go Habs go.  Get used to
saying that.  The Leafs won't win the cup any time soon.  I hate the
Leafs.

Finally, I had enough and wrote If You Love The Leafs, You Hate The Habs.

Well, this year a Canadian team will win the cup, the Habs. I am a Habs
fan, but I live in Toronto.  I've been a Leafs hater for life and that
will never change.

As I said, I'm a Habs fan.  I've always been a Habs fan.  I live in
toronto, but have always loved the Habs for years.  This blog may be a
nightmare, but the Habs won't choke.  Just wait and they'll beat the
Flyers.  Halak is so good.  He won't allow the Flyers to score, not
even on the power play.

If we bet on it, I would win.  The habs are that good.  I am going to
cheer for my Habs.  You'll see.  They'll win tonight.  Just wait.
Halak will stop every Flyer he sees.

I'm not happy.  My Habs lost.  This sucks, but this is just one game.
I have faith.  The Habs will win the next one.  They'll come back.  I
know they will.  The flyers had their win.  Habs in six or seven.
Trust me.  Go Habs go.

Habs are going to win.  Trust me.  The game last night was a real
fluke.

Another fluke game last night and the Habs lost again.  Trust me.  The
Habs are going to win the cup.  They'll win the next four.  It will be
Habs in six or seven.

A follow-up call to arms resulted in a similar barrage of Cheryl comments.

I am cheering for my Habs.  Yes, my wonderful Habs.  They are going to
win tonight.  I am not a Leaf fan.  I never was and never will be.  The
habs will win this round in six or seven.  The Flyers won't win
tonight.  There's just no way.  Get used to it.  Halak will be on his
game again.  The Habs will win big time and if you don't like it,
that's just too bad.  Go Habs.

I told you the Habs would win.  Leighton has come back to life.  See,
he's not so good and neither are the Flyers.  They're going to be
toast.  Habs all the way to the cup.  Yes, they're going to win the cup
so get used to it.  Go Habs go.

Habs are going to win to even the series.  Just wait.  The Flyers are
out of gas.  Go Habs go.  On the way to the Stanley Cup.

Well, the Habs got shut out.  This sucks.  This was another fluke game.
 It won't happen again.  Habs in seven.  They will win the next two to
get to game seven and win game seven.  Honestly, the Habs won't go
away.  They're going to win the cup like it or not.  The cup is theirs.

Habs in seven.  Like it or not and I am not doing your crazy bet.  No
thanks.  I just know that the Habs won't win the cup.  See, afterr
Washington was winning three to one, the Habs come back.  After
Pittsburgh was winning, the Habs come back.  The Flyers will be toast.
They got lucky so they won yesterday.  It won't happen again because
Halak will shut the Flyers down.  Trust me.  The Habs are going to win
the cup, like it or not.

Habs are going to win tonight.  Just wait.  Habs all the way to the
cup.  They will win the cup.  Now the Flyers fans can cry because they
are going to lose.

Cheryl, I'm going to miss you.

Discuss "For Cheryl as Her Habs Are Eliminated" (10 comments so far)


Reminder to Leaf Fans Still Cheering for Montreal

LeafsIt's a gorgeous day in Toronto, and I've got a ball game to play, but I understand there's a hockey game tonight.

This entry serves no purpose except to tell everything a very interesting discussion has emerged in my If You Love the Leafs, You Hate the Habs: It Is Written entry. You might want to click on over and throw your two cents at it.

Also, I did a little interview on this subject with OpenFile. You can read their article here.

Go Flyers Go!

Discuss "Reminder to Leaf Fans Still Cheering for Montreal" (28 comments so far)


If You Love the Leafs, You Hate the Habs: It Is Written

LeafsIf another supposed Leafs fan tells me they're cheering for the Habs, I'm going to blow. The commonality amongst the people I'm hearing this nonsense from is that they're all young. It seems our youth thinks it's okay to love the Leafs and root for the Habs.

When I ask these young Leaf fans why they're cheering for Montreal, they give me the same two reasons:

  1. They're a Canadian-based franchise, and we should root for a Canadian team
  2. They're underdogs, and we should root for the plucky underdog

Kids, let me be clear: under no circumstance is it okay for you to cheer for the Montreal Canadiens if you love the Toronto Maple Leafs. There are no exceptions. Should Montreal face Ottawa in the conference finals, you cheer for an influenza outbreak that suspends the season.

Luckily, Montreal isn't facing Ottawa in the conference final. Montreal's facing Philadelphia, and that means for the next couple of weeks I'll be rooting with all my might for the Philadelphia Flyers. Normally, I strongly dislike the Flyers, but in this situation, as a die-hard Leafs fan, the choice is clear. Actually, it's not a choice at all.

If you know a young, ignorant, misguided Leafs fan who has decided to cheer on the Habs during these playoffs, please direct them here. We need to put an end to this despicable nonsense. Again, so there's no misunderstanding: If you love the Leafs, you hate the Habs. There are no exceptions.

habssuck

Discuss "If You Love the Leafs, You Hate the Habs: It Is Written" (62 comments so far)


Important Message From Leafs Fans to Habs Fans

stanley cupI don't have to tell you about the hockey game tonight. You already know it's the Penguins vs. Canadiens, game 7 of the conference semi-final. I'm playing a slo-pitch game at 6:30, but immediately following the final out I'm directing all my energies and vibes to Sid the Kid and the Pens. I passionately want the Habs to end this ridiculous playoff run.

I tweeted as much this morning, and started getting offers from Habs fans to join them.

tweet

Here's an open and important message to all Habs fans from yours truly.

leafs

Discuss "Important Message From Leafs Fans to Habs Fans" (18 comments so far)


The Mayor of Montreal Chimes In On The Habs

PuckSomehow, against all odds, the Montreal Canadiens have forced a sixth game in their series against Washington. They've exceeded all expectations, but that doesn't mean the mayor of Montreal is happy.

Here's the mayor of Montreal chiming in on the Habs.


Discuss "The Mayor of Montreal Chimes In On The Habs" (5 comments so far)


How I Knew 14/88 Was Racist

thumbsdownThere's a guy in Virginia who really hates Islam. You may have seen this photo of his truck that went viral. Accompanying a picture of the World Trade Centre burning is the statement "Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Islam I Learned on 9/11".

Heil-Hitler-License-Plate

This entry isn't about this guy's hateful statement about Islam, it's about his license plate number. I took one look at the 14 and 88 in his license and knew it was racist. And guess how I knew?

Earlier this year, I wrote a little something about the Subbanator fans who wore blackface to a Habs game. One of the gentlemen in blackface began commenting, and we started communicating via email. His handle on my blog was "wantthis1488".

I had no idea what 1488 meant until commenter matt left this comment.

go figure. a guy with 1488 in his name doesn't think this is a problem. The 14 words and 88 is Heil Hitler.

That's when I learnt 14 and 88 were numbers that mean more than meets the eye. The number 88 stands for the eighth letter of the alphabet, H, doubled to signify "Heil Hitler" and 14 is code for imprisoned white supremacist David Lane's 14-word motto: "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children."

I asked the Subbanator guy outright if that's where he got the 1488 in his handle and he convinced me it was actually his hockey and football numbers put together. But this Virginia guy, he's not fooling anybody.

Thanks to the exposure this picture has received, his 14CV88 personalized plates have now been rejected by the Virginia DMV.

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How to Win a Stanley Cup in 1993

angryIt all started when I appeared on The Team 990 in Montreal. I casually mentioned that the Montreal Canadiens and Toronto Maple Leafs would win the same number of playoff games this season. That's when Metric Julie jumped in and challenged me to a bet. Listen below.

Then, we established the terms. If I won, Metric Julie had to sing the refrain from "The Leafs Are The Best" on The Team 990. If I lost, I had to post a Habs tribute video on this blog.

Somehow, against all odds, I lost this bet. Montreal beat Washington in game one and now I need to do what Wendel would do. Wendel would never welch on a bet. Wendel would suck it up, embed the damn video, and publish that shit like a man.

This is for you, Wendel. Oh... and Metric Julie.

p.s. ALL HEART is over here, if you need to wash that taste from your mouth. I know I'll be spending the rest of the playoffs watching it on a continuous loop.

Discuss "How to Win a Stanley Cup in 1993" (13 comments so far)


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