There's a 25 Signs That, Sadly, You've Grown Up list making the rounds, and it's pretty spot on. I recently started pro-creating and I've since left my 20s behind for good and this list is a staunch reminder that aging only goes in one direction.
Here's the list and my two cents tagged on the end in parenthesis.
- Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. (I never smoked my house plants - do people really smoke cacti?)
- Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. (When I first married, all we had was a twin bed. In fact, James sleeps in that very bed today. Taryn and I could probably have sex in it, but sleeping in it is out of the question. I would change this to "Sleeping in a twin bed is out of the question".)
- You keep more food than beer in the fridge. (This one doesn't apply to me - I've yet to make a single purchase in The Beer Store. You're shocked, aren't you?)
- 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. (Bang on.)
- You hear your favorite song on an elevator. (I hear tunes I loved in University while shopping in grocery stores. That's just as depressing.)
- You watch the Weather Channel. (My witness at my wedding appears on The Weather Network!)
- Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up. (Very true.)
- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. (Sad but true.)
- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." (Bang on again.)
- You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo. (It would depend on what they're listening to.)
- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. (It's about time!)
- You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. (No, I don't.)
- Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up. (I'm not sure I get this one. If my insurance is going down, why are my payments going up?)
- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers. (Poor Booner.)
- Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. (Most definitely.)
- You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM. (I've never been a napper. I can only sleep during the night.)
- Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. (It's been a while since I've had such an extravagant date. At least my anniversary is only three months away. That's a good excuse to get out and enjoy some ribs.)
- Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach. (Another winner.)
- You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. (Or even worse, stuff for your kids' runny noses.)
- A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff". (Again, I can't relate to this one. I've never had a bottle of $4 wine, $40 wine or $400 wine.)
- You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. (This is the definitive sign you've grown up.)
- "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again." (Again, I abstain from commenting.)
- 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. (Sad, but true.)
- You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. (No and no.)
- You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save Your sorry old ass. (If I were a typical Irish Catholic who drank like a fish, I'd be agreeing whole heartedly.)
