Lets see, first I attended St. Cecilia's Elementary School before switching to St. Pius X Elementary School where I graduated to Michael Power / St. Joseph's High School. Then I registered at St. Michael's College at the University of Toronto. You'll note a lot of saints in that list. I was definitely a Catholic boy.

I still remember being afraid to tell my Grandmother that Taryn wasn't Catholic. She was all about Irish Catholic pride and prejudice. I was baptized, received Holy Communion, got Confirmed and attended mass every Sunday. Throughout this period of my life, I only knew of one Pope. He was my Pope and today he may die.

I've been having an internal battle with Catholicism for about ten years now. I was raised with it, and will always want to accept it for what it is, but the actions and inactions of the church have painted me into a corner from which I dare not escape. I entitled this entry "Lapsed Catholic" because for all intents and purposes that's exactly what I've become. I no longer practice the religion.

I first publicly acknowledged this struggle a couple of years ago when the Vatican urged Roman Catholics to unite in a campaign against gay marriages and gay adoptions. How could I ever support such a hateful organization? In August I was again embarrassed when the Pope stated feminism weakens family and promotes homosexuality. I could go on, but it's just bumming me out. There's the church's views on birth control and abortion to name a couple more. I'm a lapsed Catholic because there is no alternative for me. I truly have no choice.

I have no doubts Pope John Paul II is a good man. Unfortunately, as the leader of the Catholic church he failed me. Time has marched on and this world has progressed everywhere except in the Vatican. John Paul II could have brought the Catholic church into the 21st century kicking and screaming, but this was not part of his agenda. Instead, he continued to dictate ideologies from long ago and lost me in the process.

It will sadden me when I read he has passed. It saddens me even more that he forced me to lapse.